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I Waited All My Years

Submitted by Mr joghe on Sun, 2022-07-17 16:33

With the candle lights
I shot him in a couple
In his briefcase
Painted with hallow tears of coat
That went down in a blur mirror to a dungeon
Not only had he gone, but all after war
With his brodie and dodie.

I counted my shoots with my capture sounds
That won my tosh tears
To ribbon my hand with flower
That kisses the earth and worms;
Like a dummy, I waited all my years
If anyone would shoot my briefcase in a couple.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
The briefcase means coffin. The shoot means to press the camera captured button. The setting of the poem is the cemetery. I was invited there as cameraman... I was thoughtful.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week July 17th through July 23 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

Sun, 2022-07-17 20:42

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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I was confused. And then I wasn’t. Really unique way of capturing the moment of capturing the moment which was kinda unique.

Tim

Mr joghe

Mon, 2022-07-18 00:38

Mr joghe's picture

I like your comment.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

RoseBlack

Mon, 2022-07-18 04:39

RoseBlack's picture
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Take on your experience. Thank you for your explanation as it now makes perfect sense.

~RoseBlack~

Mr joghe

Wed, 2022-07-20 01:49

Mr joghe's picture

Roseblack,
I like your comment.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

Jackweb

Mon, 2022-07-18 20:08

Jackweb's picture

Reminiscing about your past experience sometimes is good but don't focus on it. Allow all to fizzle out and be who you reallly are.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

Mr joghe

Wed, 2022-07-20 01:50

Mr joghe's picture

Jackweb
I'm impressed with your comment.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2022-07-19 08:19

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I really like the imagery and metaphors, they make the piece of work striking!

always, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Mr joghe

Wed, 2022-07-20 01:51

Mr joghe's picture

Candlewitch,
I like your comment!
Thanks.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment
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