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I turned Into A Savage...

I am truly ravenous
in an awful state
Stomach touching backbone
I can't remember when I ate

It must be a while ago
my vision's growing dim
Legs are getting shaky
my vigor's lost it's vim

The scent of barbecue
wafting down the street
making my mouth water
It sure would be a treat!

But my procedure in an hour
shouldn't have a trace
of fecal-matter in there
said the doctor with a face

Yeah, I'm doing one of those
it's that time again
Every couple of years
I suffer from this pain

Now, it's done and over
I can finally eat!
Headed for the burger-joint
and my favorite treat

My face buried up to nose
a child's eyes grow big and round
as he watches me devour it
with growling, snuffling sounds

I should have saved some money
headed home to the fridge
But my hunger overpowered me
I turned into a savage!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Uh-huh! Not yet, but soon, just got the reminder that I should schedule!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

but, it was a burger, after all, how could you possibly turn it down!!! was it plain? or with cheese? what kind of cheese? did you have tomato slices? or onions? raw of fried? was it medium rare, or well done? you have spoken to the burger beast in me!

ever, eddy
*Hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
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And reply in kind, thanks.

love our Burger-King Whoppers! Mine is with tomato, pickles, onion, mayo and catsup. no cheese or lettuce. Having home-made F.F.s and burgers tonight, with salad; [the only way I eat lettuce]. Hugs for the burger beast!
~ Geez.
.

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author comment

I'll see if I can get Steve to go for it...

*beastly hugs!

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Yeah brother, you’re not yourself when you’re hangry. Pretty flawless.

being "hangry" is an awful feeling. Thanks for the read and comment, glad that you had a chuckle! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

I am a firm believer that this is an actual emotion and that first bite of whatever will restore your good nature is truly amazing. My comfort food these days are air fried pierogi's. Great write!

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for the read and comment. Yes! Hangry is a true emotion, and it can be tamed with only certain things. At first, it might be tamed with a few bites of almost anything; but then, you start thinking about what would be the best, and afore ya know it, you have fixated on a particular item and nothing else satisfies! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

the only improvement I can think of would be to come up with a fitting pseudonym. something like, say, Colin Klenser.

Thanks for the read and comment.~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment
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