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I Envy You

Submitted by alidzain on Wed, 2016-02-10 13:10

I envy you,I do.
You paint dancing images of beauty,
a world of vibrant colors
when the darkness cast a shadow
which engulfed your life
and stretched moments of suffering.

I see your strength,
the defiant will in the wake of pain,
pushing ahead to rise
and continue to spill your passion
in blooming poetry.

You still inspire,
refusing to take a bow and leave,
shut the door and say goodbye.
You choose to remain,
embracing destiny as it is,
never denying pain,
never forgetting beauty.

I envy you,
because to me,
you are a masterpiece.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
No prizes for guessing to whom this poem is dedicated to, (Jayne & Joe. You are heroes by your own right)
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geremia

Wed, 2016-02-10 13:47

Geremia's picture

These are words of magnificent beauty. This is pure poetry, my friend--pure poetry.

joe

alidzain

Wed, 2016-02-10 14:09

alidzain's picture

I'm glad you love it, hero. Keep on writing, my friend.

Alid

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2016-02-10 17:14

Geezer's picture
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what many of us here cannot express with such eloquence, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

alidzain

Wed, 2016-02-10 17:23

alidzain's picture

thanks for the visit, the read and the comment.

Alid

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Sparrow

Thu, 2016-02-11 03:59

Sparrow's picture
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A beaut work to let our Heroes know that we are there, and that they are held high in our thoughts.
Thank you for writing so,
Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

alidzain

Thu, 2016-02-11 06:22

alidzain's picture

You're welcome. This one flows from the heart, begging to be written, so I did.

Alid

author comment

Seren

Thu, 2016-02-11 11:37

Seren's picture

I don't see myself as hero my dear friend, unlucky yes ? but never a hero, if I can still manage to inspire you in some way that's a true gift and I am heartened to think that I can still inspire in some small way

as has been said above your poem is beautiful I love it

thank you from down under and the bottom of my heart ;)

love always and forever Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

alidzain

Thu, 2016-02-11 12:21

alidzain's picture

you don'i but I do because you make me stay on track and yeah, you face the pain and still write. I don't know how you do it and that's why I envy you. I mean every word I say. You never give in and you're fighting it, using your own way, which is writing. Each time I read your work, I forget about giving up the dream and now I did it. They have published a malay poetry book, consisting of poets'works from Singapore, Brunei, Malaysia and Indonesia. I'm one of the poets representing Singapore, so thank you, my friend. Thank you for inspiring me not in a small way, but in a big way. Your talent, your passion, your strength and who you are, makes you a masterpiece.

Love always,
Alid

author comment
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