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i didn't make it
I didn't make it,
if you have found this letter its too, your too late
I am tiered, I'm tried off not being able to get out of my bed.
I'm tired of having this consent heart ach
I'm just tired off life
but when someone asks me if I'm okay and i say I'm fine with a smile on my face,
but little does anyone know the bloodshot eyes stared back at me every night
as i place the blade on the bathroom side,
little dose anyone the showers they start to sting
and the numbers on the scale they go down.
I'm sorry, I didn't make it
I'm sorry mum I wasn't the best draught
I'm sorry dad that I had to put you though this
I'm sorry sister take off you and your mister
I'm sorry him, I wasn't enough
I am constantly fighting battles in my head that you don't notices
you see my messy room,
you see my attendance,
you see my grades,
but you don't see the slits on my wrist or the tears in my eyes,
you don't see how I struggle to cope with these demons in my head.
the words they say cut deeper than the blade i use oi piece my own skin
the words they say run around my head so freely like levees in the winter wind
now you're sorry you didn't notices
im sorry too
I'm sorry I didn't make it.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Triskelion
Thu, 2021-07-08 11:31
Lots
of technical issues in this rough draft, but there is a clear message in your piece. In one way, the obvious errors suggest a moment of urgency that give it a certain realism, but I hope the struggle isn't real ....for a lot of reasons.
Welcome, Lauren.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Geezer
Thu, 2021-07-08 11:50
I see...
your obvious frustration with life here. Hopefully, writing about your emotions will help some with them and gain you some recognition. Welcome to Neopoet and I hope that we see more and happier works from you. ~ Geezer.
,
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Ray Whitaker
Sun, 2021-07-11 21:43
Therapeutic writing
gives way to a more peaceful perspective. I trust that this is in place here.
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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