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To The Hypocrite

Submitted by alidzain on Fri, 2016-02-19 16:00

Behind the smile,
deceit lies hidden.
The heart is vile,
reeking with corruption.

Take not my hand
when all you have are lies,
The scum of a man,
you're no friend of mine.

You spill your flattery
to win hearts
while you insult my dignity
to tear me apart.

Listen,fool, I say to you,
you don't intimidate me.
Your eyes betrayed you,
stripping your hypocrisy.

Get rid of your foul act,
don't give me a reason to strike at you.
If I reveal the truth of your facts,
I will squeeze the breath out of you.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2016-02-19 22:35

Geezer's picture
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you are pretty mad at someone! I think that the composition is well done, the beginning and end are tied together well and the logic consistent. The title, is a little obvious, but apt. Your work is always interesting. no matter the subject, keep it up! ~ Gee

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alidzain

Sat, 2016-02-20 14:30

alidzain's picture

yap, that's pretty much what this is about. I HATE idiots who pretended to be my friend and tried to get credits of what I do. I hate them with a vengeance. I caught one in the act and gave him a tongue-lashing in public.

Alid

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Rula

Sat, 2016-02-20 07:23

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love the language used.
L wished you find an alternate for the word "reveal" is repeated twice.
Just a suggestion.
Hope you've got all that steam out with your words.

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alidzain

Sat, 2016-02-20 14:31

alidzain's picture

I've done the edits.

Alid

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Seren

Wed, 2016-03-02 06:08

Seren's picture

I felt the venom and the sting of the words, I used to get angry like this and in the end I realized what a great compliment it was they had taken something of mine and thought it worthy of passing it off as their own, but not anymore ,,, I have in the past had my work used as someone else's a few here would have seen me out her on FB, I regularly check the internet to see how my work is bring used, there is a site I am a member of that's affiliated with three others so its nice to know when my works been picked up in the other three.

Good poem with some strong words it made me wince for whomever you wrote it for I think they might have got it in spades from you lol ;)

love Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

alidzain

Wed, 2016-03-02 12:42

alidzain's picture

Glad you liked it. I managed to track down 2 more and I've exposed them to their own family members and the local malay newspaper's director. One got my work published with his name and took the money. He spent it and his brother pleaded me not to report him to the police but I went ahead with it to teach him a lesson. It's not about the money, its about the trust that he has broken and the "so what" attitude that pissed me off.

Alid

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