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how times have changed
Oh how times have changed.
In the years of the past
we could say just about anything that came to mind,
If that happened today itd be considered a social crime.
You can chalk it up to the new gen being sensitive.
Because they really don't know what building character is.
Sure it wasn’t pitch perfect,
But acknowledge the plain gist,
that making fun was the only way to change the narrative,
Of the negative connotation that the world thought was so imperative.
We hold more anger in our hearts,
From wounds that tear our worlds apart,
Than we can even comprehend
Its like we can never truly be friends,
With our neighbors
But we need them.
From any stand point that you see
I need you and you need me
We make this world keep going round
With our teamwork we can make us proud
Proud to be a human race
who solved the oldest case
Of the crime that we invented
We’ll solve how to prevent it.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
this was just some inner thoughts of mine and i tried my best to rhyme. im just starting out so id like some real feedback
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2023-03-06 05:51
I both agree and disagree
Let’s start with the poetry…not bad. A bit loose and I think as you write and read more you’ll find yourself looking to say things with fewer words and also more interesting ones. You’re in your way to being a really good writer and you’re expressing personal issues too so that’s usually genuine feeling material. Feelings are valid.
Now, as far as the them here, I’m not sure I’m fully behind that. Yeah this younger generation is sensitive I think that’s true. I don’t think they’re more sensitive than any generation that came before. I was sensitive and I was forced to bury all of it so my psyche wasn’t ripped to shreds by the status quo. I carry so much trauma from this and so does our whole generation. But instead of realizing we are damaged we pretend like we were tougher; but we aren’t…we’re narcissists and addicts and physical abusers…this thing were “in my day we were tough and these kids are weak nowadays” …that’s some dark energy there and disagree wholeheartedly. This is simply based on my experience growing up and never feeling like I could be myself around anyone, even my parents.
Good job on the write, I just disagree on the philosophy,
Tim
Thick skin=emotional deflection. Not a great trade off from a mental health standpoint
Seren
Mon, 2023-03-06 09:36
Dear Keegs
I have to say I agree with one specific part of this you have to be so careful how you phrase things these days. I'll acknowledge there was ignorance and racism in some speak from days gone by but even general chat these days you have to watch everything you say for fear of outraging some section of the populous. Free speech has in some ways been restricted by the very same people preaching for free speech. I'm a lover not
a fighter. Unless you get all up in my grill then it's another matter. One thing I've learned with age is to stand up for myself. I used to let people steamroll all over me.
I agree with Tim on the poem. It's more like prose then transitions into a poem. Maybe that was the aim but the transition was rough imo. It's a good piece just needs some work again imo.
Kind regards Seren
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Jackweb
Tue, 2023-03-07 17:00
I second...
the last two comments. Prose poetry never give the quality of what poetry should be. The poetic qualities such as heightened imagery and emotional effects were not found.
.
Good write though!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb