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Hot summer nights
A Tropical storm erupted out of no where
Warring and tearing through the skies
No outside force can reckon
Can only brace for the terror and run for cover
Electrifying and jarring
Inciting all the sound waves into a crescendo
With its disastrous crackling cries and lightening frenzy
Quickly I wiped away the rain from my brim
Only to blink to see all glowing turned to night
In the distance on days like this I always seem to hear firetrucks moving gallantly fast
Maybe it’s all the down trees and power lines so haphazardly criss crossed on the sidewalk
In the wake of this destruction
safety patrol ushered in their neon regalia
marching full force to regain control
In the dark moment of stillness
The heat is steadily creeping
Inevitably it becomes stifling and sweltering
The house becomes it’s own sauna prison
Fanning without cause as the sweat constantly trickles
After my fourth dark shower
Tossing and turning
Concluding sleep is out of the question
Eating does not seem favorable either
As heat from the oven is not happening
Too busy wondering how soon we will be reunited with the power grid
Too scared to peek in the fridge as the seal is the last frontier to the tundra
Review Request (Intensity):
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How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-08-16 02:43
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem effectively uses vivid imagery and metaphors to describe the intensity and aftermath of a tropical storm. The use of personification, such as "Warring and tearing through the skies", adds a dramatic effect, making the storm appear as a sentient being causing havoc.
However, the poem could benefit from more consistent rhythm and meter. The varying line lengths and rhythms can make the poem feel disjointed and disrupt the flow. Consider revising the poem to establish a more consistent rhythm, which can help to enhance the overall reading experience.
The poem could also benefit from more focused and concise language. Some lines, such as "In the wake of this destruction ushers in safety patrol dressed in neon regalia marching full force to regain control", are quite long and may benefit from being broken up or simplified for clarity.
The poem does a good job of capturing the discomfort and inconvenience caused by the storm, particularly in the lines about the heat and the power outage. However, the transition from the storm to the aftermath could be smoother. Consider adding a transitional line or stanza to bridge the gap between the storm and its aftermath.
Lastly, the poem could use more sensory details to fully immerse the reader in the scene. While there are some good uses of visual imagery, incorporating more auditory, tactile, or olfactory details could make the poem even more engaging.
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