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"HOPE AND CHANGE"
I was doing fine today
birds all singing, springtime views
but that all soon went away
as I read the morning news
Headlines had the usual stuff
storms and death, unending war
the rich who never get enough
Congress bought by cash and whores
Big news beyond my comprehension
things I can do naught about
vague additions to my apprehensions
not quite enough to make me shout
Then right before" help wanted "ads
five pages filled with tiny print
legalese written by some cad
declaring more lives torn and bent
A "Master in Equity Sale"
bland words cloaking desperation
each column masking one more tale
of economic devastation
Most are people just like me
honest hardworking kind of folk
plain people who could not foresee
the punchline to the bankers' joke
No crooked bankers yet in jail
no mortgage brokers prison bound
our "justice" system's supreme fail
can't you hear their laughter's sound?
Families put out on the street
Wall Street profits on the rise
greed and corruption run replete
in politicians' cold blank eyes
The politicians got their raise
the people hope to get a job
and keep working in a desperate haze
swallowing their angry betrayed sobs
5 pages of dreams now lost
a quarter page of jobs for hire
soulless greed's obvious cost
the peasants' cause for burning ire
The hope which we all dreamed about
has faded in a new reality
that common folk have got no clout
in this rich man's society
And all the change promised to us
turns out that it was for the worse
we've been thrown underneath the bus
I guess that that's the poor man's curse
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Candlewitch
Sun, 2012-04-15 12:23
Dear Stan,
Good structure and rhyming flow. I'm unsure of the title, I think it is a little bland, but cannot think of any suggestions. The subject matter... daily news content is good but something I avoid as it upsets me greatly since I cannot do much to resolve it. I liked these lines:
And all the change promised to us
turns out that it was for the worse
we've been thrown underneath the bus
I guess that that's the poor man's curse
I have no suggestions ather than a change of title. I appreciate the work done.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Sun, 2012-04-15 17:47
Hi Cat
Thanks for wading through this. The title is a reference to the promise made prior to last election. Might be too obscure.........stan
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2012-04-17 02:46
Wading? I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
And I applaud you for tackling socio/political issues head on. Fucking proud of you. No metaphors of other people's hedgerows and forests and stony ground. Downhome truth. Well almost.
You got it wrong. It's not just the politicians, it is the corporations, unaccountable, sociopathic, evil, they own and control the governments.
Do you think you could think it through and suggest something we could do about it? There have been revolutions and if we and the planet are to survive it is the corporations that must be brought down.
I challenge you to add an element of hope, preferably with a specific strategy for change to this.
"things I can do naught about" is a wimp out.
5 pages of dreams now lost [say five not 5]
But bloody finely written.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Tue, 2012-04-17 09:19
Hi Jess
I'll start at simplest part of reply 1st. I purposely used the number 5 to accent it without yelling it with caps. As to the evils inherent in international corporations, the only way change will be forced upon them is politically. Although the idea of storming the castle with mobs of angry people feels good it's the organized political process which is capable of reining in forces which span national boundaries.
Now as to adding a hopeful note to this. For those who might keep up with my rare social message poems (such as American Dream) there is a deep level of hopelessness in them all........so far. In my opinion to point out the problem and provide a solution at the same time in one short write might dilute the effect of the overall body of work I'm aiming at the problem. There Will be hope provided. but it will be in a later poem.
Thanks for dropping by ........stan
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2012-04-17 11:52
five doesn't have to be in caps
as to the rest. We just disagree. Which of course means you're wrong [grins]
Seriously, using digits instead of spelling them is almost always a mistake.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Tue, 2012-04-17 16:49
hi
US disagree? What a rarity lol. As to the numeric 5. I'm going to have to do Something to convey the shock of seeing FIVE pages of foreclosure announcements in a single county in a single month, especially when our so-called president keeps saying things are getting better.......Hmmm.......5.......Five........FIVE.......Five!!!!.....I'll figure it out............stan
author commentweirdelf
Wed, 2012-04-18 10:25
how about
five, yes five, pages of dreams now lost
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Wed, 2012-04-18 14:35
hi
So you think understatement might best accent the shock.......hmmmmm..........I'll let that idea rattle around a bit..........stan
author commentRoscoe Lane
Tue, 2012-04-17 18:26
Stan,
Stan, you are a man i admire and i love reading your poetry, but politicians aren't going to change anything. They are the rich man's foundations, they are put in positions to keep us quiet. Fooling us into believing we have democracy, we have royalty in britain which i surely despise. You have a president and his social gatherings of generals, bankers, barons of industry and the like. Only organised working people can change anything, but they divide us with fear. Fear of losing our comforts, but if only we weren't so blind we'd see we could have more with just a little bit of a struggle. Sorry i go on a bit. Great poem Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
scribbler
Tue, 2012-04-17 23:10
Hi Roscoe
We are much closer to agreeing than you might think. No body of unempowered people will ever be able to bring change about. The windmills are just too damned big. And any time a person or group of people become empowered enough to actually make a difference it's because they have been elected to a position of authority. You know........a government. Now the thing is there is nobody alive who can't be corrupted over time once the global machine sets its sights on them.The only difference between an honest politician and a dihonest one is time in office. The one key in preventing politicians from being corrupted is term limits.Now THIS is where the comman man might make a difference. In the U.S. a change which is desired by enough people can be accomplished by a constitutional ammendment. And an ammendment can be enacted Without the federal government's approval. let that soak in a minute........A constitutional convention can be called by the states and its members can be chosen by the states and the Congress and president are then reduced to impotent spectators.
Now everybody knows that the lower on the food chain a politician is the more likely he/she is to actually respond to the will of the people. But even the state level politicians can be forced to convene a convention. All that's required is a petition by enough people in enough states.And it is my opinion that the people in the U.S. are getting almost enough fed up with the federal government to Force such upon them if the politicians don't get their acts together within a few more election cycles.
I expect you didn't expect this from me did you? lol.But you might consider that my ancestors not too long ago fought an actual war against an overeaching federal government....................stan
author commentI Am Peace I Am...
Wed, 2012-05-02 15:45
Major props :)
Major props :)
The whole theme or point of the poem may be a little cloudy. But its off set by the fact that u told it so good:)
Edgar poet
scribbler
Wed, 2012-05-02 18:09
Hello Ed
I'm suprize anybody dug this oldie up lol. I appreciate you visiting and leaving such kind comment.........stan
author commentweirdelf
Sun, 2015-04-12 22:48
Excellent revisions
You are the consummate Neopoet member.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Mon, 2015-04-13 08:22
Hello Jess
It took only a short while for me to realize that, for me at least, revisions are more easily done after letting a poem sit a while and then reading it with fresh eyes. That's why even my oldest stuff pops up once in a while. I hope you're feeling better and appreciate your ongoing tracking of this oldish poem.......stan
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