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HINGES( Chariot to hell)
The gates of hell are oiled well
a finger's touch and you'll be in
as the crowd keeps up its steady swell
fools who can not help but sin.
Just one more step you'll be inside
cheek to cheek with ugly angels
who fought to be there then wish they'd died
as dreams and nightmares entangles.
they dance because they dare not stop
for the floor is getting hot
it cooks humans until they become slop
served to demons from an iron pot.
I reckon Milton got it right
as untuned songs turn into screams
and false peace becomes intense fright
Hell is a real hell it seems
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Seren
Thu, 2023-02-16 00:21
Dear Bro
The cadence to me was perfect, I even had favourite lines
Just one more step you'll be inside
cheek to cheek with ugly angels
who fought to be here then wish they'd died
as dreams and nightmares entangles.
This is Brilliant!!! Kudos.
Love and biggest hugs Sis x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
scribbler
Thu, 2023-02-16 09:27
hi Jayne
I have no idea where this came from. But I'm pleased you like it
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2023-02-16 09:01
Your local editor...
says that you got a great poem here, but one little thing! The last line [is] good, except for [is]. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Thu, 2023-02-16 09:29
Hi Geez
I am fortunate to have so many editors that even late night posts get eagle eyed lol
author comment