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Heron

Your silhouette flatters
the rippled waters
as the rising sun spars
with dense clouds -
shall we see rain?
Or will the day
bring dire heat
sending us in to
the shadows?

It seems of no
consequence
to you, my friend.
Your determination
stands upright,
your black plumes,
poised in the
morning breeze.

Your day shall
carry on.
***

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I most say this is one of the works I've seen on neopoet, really I'm impressed

I most say this is one of the works I've seen on neopoet, really I'm impressed

Good to see you. I appreciate your generous comment!
Thank you!
L

author comment

Simple, gentle and descriptive. Well done.

.

~RoseBlack~

Thank you very much! The heron is one of my favorite creatures!
L

author comment

write of the blue herons
that one can almost forget that there are others
I have seen many paintings of Japanese and Chinese herons
that portray the black herons, and your poem does them justice.
Something that might be of little consequence, is that you
use a separation form of in to. I wondered at that, because if I use it
I am generally prompted to go to [into]. Was it on purpose? It seems to add
a little something, as though one was standing outside and might need to go
in to the shadows, and not into them. Maybe I make too much of it?
Very nice work! Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting! So...I changed that "into" vs "in to" a couple times. While "in to" seemed to create a thoughtful pause and flow a bit better, I really don't think it's correct, but I left it. Somehow it made the shadows seem deeper and the heat more invasive. I think it's very cool that you noticed! I hope it isn't too obvious, though. Dunno...
Thanks, again!
L

author comment

Like Geeze I also caught the into-in to thing. They two actually have 2 different meanings with into meaning to enter .In to is a different thing as it means to go in in order to do something. i.e. I went in to cook supper.

Thank you (and Geezer) for helping me with this. If it's too obvious or awkward, it won't work.
I'm going to change it. I appreciate your help!
L

author comment

change it! We think it is great the way it is! [Three to one!] Me, Stan, and lovedly. are for it!
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

This is wonderful the way it is

~RoseBlack~

It "feels" right (even though it is wrong) to me, but I hope it won't be a distraction to the reader.
Thanks so much for your thoughts!
L

author comment

glance my blue and blau and LOST HORIZON read once more
ere you CHANGE Every word has two meanings LAV and u know it

Thank you for helping me with this.
I will check out your poetry!
L

author comment

also for my
HORROR ZONS

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