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In Her Bed (lyrics)by: eddy styx

Submitted by Candlewitch on Sun, 2016-10-23 14:43

"in her bed"

she says...
her domain
is the that of
the living dead
that it's
something
in her head
all those
assassins
in her bed
and she cannot
find her way back
it's just
something
that she's said

*and it's making me see red
that she cannot find her way
yes it's making me see red
that she cannot find her way...

and it's
something
she's
come to dread
all the terrors
in her head
something
that she's said
to excuse
the life she's lead
all those razors
in her bed
and she cannot
find her way back
it's just
something
that she's said

*and it's making me see red
that she cannot find her way
yes it's making me see red
that she cannot find her way...

*eddy styx is my MALE (usually malicious) alter ego, who generally writes dark poetry! thanks for reading and hopefully critiquing, Candlewitch/Cat

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Geezer

Sun, 2016-10-23 16:47

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eddy sure has a way with words! I love the rhyme and repetition! I can hear the tune and feel the emotion. So nice to have you back! Maybe we can get together so and do something. I would love to have the chance to work with you and eddy again.
~ Gee.

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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Candlewitch

Mon, 2016-10-24 13:05

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You bet!!! we would love to work with you! I sent you a p.m. today!

*hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

valene

Sun, 2016-10-23 16:48

Hi cat, I like that you're showing your dark-side, and it's a he. I think we all have one but many don't embrace it or aren't aware of it. At any rate, I like how you've formatted it. It adds to the intensity of the read. Your repetition of the verse starting with 'and it's making me see red...' brings about the feeling of frustration' the guy has because he can't understand why this woman is so traumatized by her experience(s). I'm think this is either about a rape victim or a prostitute who's dealt with some nasty Johns. That latter idea came to me from the 2nd verse where you say 'the life she's lead.' A lot guys can't comprehend the horrible effect a violent act of sex can have on a woman. It can't just be 'swept under the rug' (trite but true!) This traumatic experience can effect a woman for the rest of her life if she has no one to help her work through all the negative emotions she's dealing with.
2 suggestions which are minor as far as the read goes. After reading it out loud, I suggest in the 1st verse saying in line 11, 'and she can't' instead of cannot. And in the 2nd verse, instead of saying 'and that she's...come to dread' eliminate the 'that.' It simply sounded smoother to me. Otherwise I think a job well done.

val

Candlewitch

Mon, 2016-10-24 13:34

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you are correct in thinking it is about a rape victim...me! but it is worse than that. I was continually raped and abused by my brother-in-law! I babysat his two children while my sister and he worked staggered shifts. he was 26 and I was 14. I had to sleep there until the morning when he would give me a ride home so I could change for school.

my mother said I had to babysit for them. I was cheap labor. when I told on him, my mother and two sisters would not believe me. so I had to go through it again and again...being attacked while I was sleeping.

my mother and father were divorced. I was afraid to tell my dad for fear of him killing the animal, and ending up in prison. he also worked for my dad. (sodding and landscaping) but my older sister leaked it to dad and then the animal had a bad accident which broke his arms and a leg...he fell out of the back of a moving truck... my dad's truck!

not being believed set off many strange reactions for me... like promiscuity. it was like self-punishment!

*hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy

*
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And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Candlewitch

Mon, 2016-10-24 13:53

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I started taking my mother's diet pills to stay awake. I stole money from her purse, and spent my babysitting money on speed...anything to stay awake! I am now an insomniac who has to take sleeping pills to get to sleep. and he still haunts my nightmares :(

(before my dad got to him, I took a knife to the animal's privates...I didn't cut him, but I gave him a serious scare...and told him that if he ever touched me again, I would cut them off...he believed me!)

a few years later my sister caught him sexually abusing their daughter...my sister demanded that I go and testify against him in court. I was eighteen, then. I told her I would do it, BUT...I would tell the whole story(about how nobody would put a stop to my abuse) instead, she took her children and ran away to California!

thanks for listening

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

valene

Mon, 2016-10-24 17:08

Cat, I'm having trouble finding the words to express my horror, anger, and every other emotion that's building in me, after reading what you went through. I truly appreciate your honesty and wish there were magic words to make the memories of what you endured disappear! It's so sad when kid's have parents who are supposed to make them feel safe, turn their backs when faced with an ugly truth! Even your sister refusing to believe you is just plain wrong....even though he was her husband, not to believe you, her sister....WOW! I can see how you wanted to protect your dad from himself, I'd probably have done the same. I'm trying to put myself in your situation and not sure how my mom would have reacted. If she believed me, she still would have been more concerned, I think, about how her friends would react if they ever found out....and the truth would have been dealt with extremely quietly so no one else would ever know. I truly hate what you went through and am glad that you finally got your point across to your brother-in-law (i like how you did it too!) I think it's good your sister left him BUT she should have had the courage to have him brought to justice and allowed you to finally get your story out and maybe find some peace from doing so!
again Cat thanks for opening up to me!
I hope writing about it was in some way cathartic!

Listening is one thing I'm good at so feel free if you ever need an ear!

Hugs,
val

Candlewitch

Tue, 2016-10-25 13:41

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alas there is no magic in the world to take away those memories :( some people who have had troubled backgrounds turn to alcohol and drugs too help them forget.) I learned a long time ago that you cannot run away from the past. of course, it took a few years of therapy to work this out.

there were other bad things and events in my childhood, like my mother telling me that she hadn't wanted me and she hated me...that's just the tip of the ice-burg writing is very therapeutic. and thank you for your offer of an ear. it is greatly appreciated!

* hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

valene

Tue, 2016-10-25 22:27

There is no way to erase the memories, but at least you've found help as well as writing to deal with them. I have a feeling you've found the strength in you as well, that has helped you to move forward.
What is your book about? I used to read a lot when married. We traveled a good deal, and I always took advantage of the time away to read. Plus my kids had summer reading lists so I was reading those books to in order to make sure they knew what 'they'd read'....LOL! But, now it's been quite sometime since I've read a book. I find myself reading the poems on this site and the pervious one, and have lost the motivation to pick up a book. The desire is there, it's just by the time i get home from work and/or being online, my eyes have had enough, and my concentration level goes way down....my ADD doesn't help either. I did read 'The Four Agreements' a few years back, which has been quite helpful in my day to day living. Oh more recently I came across a book called 'The Art of Procrastination' which I new I had to buy....I'm totally a procrastinator. It's funny, short, and an easy read and I saw myself in it throughout...LOL! So I'd like to know about yours and see if I can get my brain back into 'book reading mode!'

Hope you have the rest of a good evening and great day tomorrow!

ox, val

p.s. lit candle and spoke to my 'spiritual somethings/ones' on your behalf before writing this! asked them to keep an eye on you and sent all good wishes your way upon blowing it out!

Candlewitch

Wed, 2016-10-26 13:53

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a quick response to your question about my books: I have a web site for eddy styx books I've written:

http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

there you will find the answers to your questions. I must warn you that eddy styx isn't for everyone. he usually writes dark poetry...as he would say, "I put my rage on the page!"

now I have to get off the computer and pay some attention to my six cats. talk to you soon!

*hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Candlewitch

Mon, 2016-10-24 13:59

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I hope I got it fixed...thanks for the catch! see my response to the girl above. it explains the poem. those attacks on me gave "birth" to eddy styx!

*hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Esker

Sun, 2016-10-23 23:19

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knew those kept rifles
and forty fours
blades and bats
axes and handles

saw the trailer for the Haley Quinn
and Joker movie
remember Lollipop Chainsaw
The joker laying with all his
knives..Some hollywood prop
artists would have had a field day
buying up all this

remember Jeremy Irons and his
lover from the movie TWINS?
the dark canadian director
and the artist creating for the
doctors the surgical tools

I slept with a few
and all were haunted
waking up talking
yelling....weeping
or sitting up..in the moonlight
a few lines and back too
sleep..Woke up with a butcher
knife to my chest...screaming
cursing..crying..but I was calm...
"I hear you!" mostly I could
talk them all down
the challenge again
My dog if any trouble can
hit the downstairs front
door in about four seconds
not bad for a forty five
pound Guard dog!
Im not far behind her
Ive had to deal with shit
over the years
like any disaster
its the first few seconds
that can go from annoying
to quite the scene

I like the verses and
working of this song
can feel the tunnel
vision of the passion
of the narrator
being over the edge
is a skill one is thrown
into...Like tossed in
the water to learn
how to swim

the male psyche
is one thing
but the female
one is quite the
study..
I quite like Your
Mr Styx Cat

thank U!

Mr wolf!

Candlewitch

Mon, 2016-10-24 14:05

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thank you for your in-depth response! nobody should have such trials...I'm glad you survived all of yours! and pat that guard dog for me :)

*hugs, Cat
*ever eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Sparrow

Wed, 2016-10-26 03:46

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Good of you to write so well about the ladies..
Loved the change, until you mentioned who you were it threw me a bit, reminds me of Eve but that's another story and a great book..
Well done Cat this was pleasent to read and a good change to the norm,
Yours, as always, Ian.xx

.
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Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Candlewitch

Wed, 2016-10-26 13:58

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thank you, Ian! it is good to hear from you. glad you enjoyed it!

*hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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