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Hello Mr Sleepless

Submitted by lovedly on Sat, 2017-04-08 06:08

old men sleep less or are sleepless

as they do less physical work
and
don't get tired
brain says
get up do some work

I often sleep for two evening hours
five to seven
go to bed at midnite plus minus
then at 2 am eyes wide open
I stare into the cob webbed ghostly
not ghastly ceiling

then something within me says
wake up man
the day has dawned
yes it's only 3 am
and I yawn
till actual dawn is born

then as the sun peeks
into my bedroom
I shut my eyes and sleep

Now I know sun is keeping vigil over me
then at 12 PM noon
have bed tea

another work-less day begins
my spouse only grins
not because she is happy
it's a senseless me

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Sat, 2017-04-08 19:17

Welcome...

to the world of feeling useless, old and cranky! I'm not sure that I see anything wrong with the way that you have written this. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

lovedly

Sun, 2017-04-09 01:45

thank you four

sleepless company geezzzzzzzzz

author comment

Sparrow

Sun, 2017-04-09 04:27

First time in all these years have you mentioned "her in doors"
So in the background a lady has guided you in life, does she feel glad that you sleep less?
Good to know more of you young Bard, this write though could do with a better spark to hold us as we read..
Take care and know we walk the same pathway,
Yours ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

lovedly

Sun, 2017-04-09 06:02

Ian light the spark

I am a GRAND follower

author comment

Sparrow

Sun, 2017-04-09 19:15

Loved

I may have to retire and leave the writing up to my family,
My Grand daughter "Purple-Hobbit" is writing again.
Or maybe I will use it as an excuse to write more ??
Not wanting to write this evening I am a little tired, but who knows what will happen in Auto ,
Take care young Bard, Yours as always, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

alidzain

Sun, 2017-04-09 16:12