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Hearing?
Why can’t I hear
what you’re saying,
have my ears grown old and tired?
do I look upon you
as encumberment,
just another to satisfy
or do I converse with a purpose
as we did, when you were a child?
do I ponder upon
the things you might need
listening when you cry?
words become our enemies
they cut blatantly
time after time
I don't want to express my true feelings!
lost to my foolish pride
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I don't know what to say really. Any suggestion is welcome!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
South Ogden, Utah
Favorite Poets
Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, and all of the poets at neo.
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Comments
RoseBlack
Mon, 2023-03-20 16:48
I got
the impression this could be a parent talking to a child- possibly a parent who was close to their child and now seemed to disagree, both parties feeling misunderstood for different reasons. The child doesn't feel heard and the parent feels as though they aren't able to understand what it is the child needs to hear. I can relate to this in that respect as I often feel that way with my own parents. Well done!
~RoseBlack~
Leslie
Mon, 2023-03-20 17:18
Hearing?
Your interpretation of it was correct in one way. Another way of looking at it is through my own angry
despondent and perplexed vision. 11 years ago my wife divorced me for a lot of reasons. The main
problem being that of my own mental illness and the pressures that both of us encountered because of life's
expectations. We both worked full time jobs. I kept the housework going and worked custodial work. She worked
full time, often exceeding 65 hours a week, 6 days a week. We were married for twenty years and had four children.
My dilemma being in that my children, for all intents and purposes never came back. I don't really blame anyone
only this damned illness. It is however saddening that they don't come around, because I was very good to them.
They only see me now as crazy and refuse to let me be involved with my 7 grandchildren.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentRoseBlack
Mon, 2023-03-20 17:33
It's incredibly
sad when that happens and I am so sorry that you have to go through that. Mental illness is certainly a challenge that not everyone understands, even those close to us.
~RoseBlack~
Leslie
Mon, 2023-03-20 17:18
Hearing?
Your interpretation of it was correct in one way. Another way of looking at it is through my own angry
despondent and perplexed vision. 11 years ago my wife divorced me for a lot of reasons. The main
problem being that of my own mental illness and the pressures that both of us encountered because of life's
expectations. We both worked full time jobs. I kept the housework going and worked custodial work. She worked
full time, often exceeding 65 hours a week, 6 days a week. We were married for twenty years and had four children.
My dilemma being in that my children, for all intents and purposes never came back. I don't really blame anyone
only this damned illness. It is however saddening that they don't come around, because I was very good to them.
They only see me now as crazy and refuse to let me be involved with my 7 grandchildren.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2023-03-21 08:51
I’m sorry
Mental illness is tough and I’m no stranger. You’re aware of yourself and also of what’s beyond your control. The sadness of the poem is balanced by this willful acceptance of what is currently out of reach. Someday they may come around and that’s mostly up to them. Your part is to focus on now and what you’re feeling and try your best to cope in a manor that’s healthy like writing. Hang in there. On a long enough timeline all things become manifest.
Sending love
Tim
Leslie
Tue, 2023-03-21 09:22
Tim
Thank you for your comment and for the encouragement. I hope that your music career takes off!!!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2023-03-21 11:03
Yeah me too!!!
I’ve been in bands since 14 years old. Regardless of commercial success it’s something I have to do. I appreciate your encouragement so very much and I’m glad you’ve connect to my music. That is so incredibly validating. You have no idea.
Tim
Candlewitch
Wed, 2023-03-22 14:32
dear John,
will your children take your phone calls? could you possibly arrange time with them individually to talk about the problems? if your ex-wife isn't hostile, maybe you could get her to help bridge the gap with each child? I hope you can get it sorted, and I wish you the best of luck.
*gentle hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.