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Handshake
Kind word
Emotion stirred
A hand shake
Goodbye absurd
Really wasn’t fake
With your will pure
You took the cure
Did the work
Always failures lure
“Don’t be such a jerk”
Success true
Thank you
From the doctor
She’s so cool
Love her ever after
Know the satisfaction
Freedom from institution
To be out of sight
Finally fruition
Took all my might
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2023-11-19 07:02
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Handshake" appears to be a narrative poem, telling a story of recovery and liberation. The use of simple language and short, two-line stanzas makes the poem accessible and easy to read. However, the brevity of the lines and the lack of explicit context can make the narrative difficult to follow.
The poem could benefit from more concrete imagery and sensory details to ground the reader in the narrative. For example, the line "A handshake" could be expanded to include more specific details about the handshake - is it firm, warm, reassuring? Similarly, the line "Golden eagle in flight" could be more evocative with additional details - how does the eagle move, what does it feel like to watch it?
The poem's structure, with its short stanzas and lines, creates a rhythmic, almost chant-like quality. However, the rhythm is occasionally disrupted by lines of different lengths, such as "From the physician" and "Freedom from institution." Consider revising these lines to maintain a consistent rhythm throughout the poem.
The poem's theme of recovery and liberation is a powerful one, but it could be developed more fully. The lines "Your will pure / You took the cure" suggest a struggle and eventual triumph, but the nature of the struggle and the process of recovery are not explored in depth. Consider expanding on these ideas to give the reader a fuller understanding of the journey described in the poem.
Finally, the poem's ending, with the image of the "Golden eagle in flight," is a strong one, symbolizing freedom and transcendence. However, the connection between this image and the preceding narrative could be clarified. How does the image of the eagle relate to the speaker's journey? Making this connection more explicit could strengthen the poem's conclusion and reinforce its themes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Sun, 2023-11-19 06:11
Freedom
From our minds and institution...I like the form you used and the flow. An honest poem capturing that feeling of liberation. Good job.
~RoseBlack~
Mark
Sun, 2023-11-19 08:50
Thank you Rose
Those days of notoriety for the success of overcoming the obstacles that my contemporaries could not (many had passed) are gone and these days the expectations on me are that of most all average folks. To know reality and the difference between less bad and more bad ;)
My last book was called Seasons of Success in order to celebrate the folks that helped me along the way.
Thanks again,
Mark
read/comment it's a win win
I was here now I disappear..