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The Guru

At seventeen, I got to use chalk and duster
After served with ink and paper
In the broad days and nights;
I travelled far and wide with new shades
To decorate my hands
With a margin of error.

At twenty-six, I was given a paper
To carry around chalk and duster
To serve my fatherland.
Then, I saw syringe, telescope, theodolite and cardboard
Carrying chalk and duster
After served with ink and paper.
There was no room to dust my duster.
On the streets, my chalk was crystal clear;
For the society, I carry my chalk and duster,
But there was no gift nor congratulatory letter;
All I got in return is scolding and query
From the management and parents.
My name was spelt with fake lips
And empty my hand with handshaking;
If chalk and duster change today,
I’ll be shot out like a bullet of that day
When the gun was longer than the bunny.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

On the streets, my chalk was (crystal) clear; (Crystal was another name for Crystal Meth)
does your (chalk) have anything to do with doing drugs?
(I was very familiar with this drug, LOL)

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

From my own point of view, you're addressing the challenges National Youth Service Corps members constantly facing while serving their country. But, this composition is a personal experience you're rightly addressing.
Carrying "chalk and duster" portrays your teaching tools, your primary assignment as a corp member would always take everyone to classroom in order inculcate the fresh ideas to secondary school students.

"After served with ink and paper.
There was no room to dust my duster.
On the streets, my chalk was crystal clear;

This uncovers the hard reality that even when you finished your service, the government of the day never secure any job for you. That's why you seem to appear on a daily basis on the street in search of new job. Even the school you served never showed any iota of appreciation and the parents too. But they only prefer giving query,scolding maybe just because you came late to classroom.

THE OBJECT OF THE SCHEME (NYSC)we mean fresh graduates from university.
To inculcate discipline in Nigerian youths by instilling in them a tradition of industry at work, and of patriotic and loyal service to Nigeria in any situation they may find themselves.
To raise the moral tone of the Nigerian youths by giving them the opportunity to learn about higher ideals of national achievement, social and cultural improvement.
To develop in the Nigerian youths the attitudes of mind, acquired through shared experience and suitable training. which will make them more amenable to mobilisation in the national interest.
To enable Nigerian youths acquire the spirit of self reliance by encouraging them to develop skills for self employment.
To contribute to the accelerated growth of the national economy.

To develop common ties among the Nigerian youths and promote national unity and integration.
To remove prejudices, eliminate ignorance and confirm at first hand the many similarities among Nigerians of all ethnic groups.
To develop a sense of corporate existence and common destiny of the people of Nigeria.
The equitable distribution of members of the service corps and the effective utilisation of their skills in area of national needs.

That as far as possible, youths are assigned to jobs in States other than their States of origin.
That such group of youths assigned to work together is as representative of Nigeria as far as possible.
That the Nigerian youths are exposed to the modes of living of the people in different parts of Nigeria.
That the Nigerian youths are encouraged to eschew religious intolerance by accommodating religious differences.

That members of the service corps are encouraged to seek at the end of their one year national service, career employment all over Nigeria, thus promoting the free movement of labour.
That employers are induced partly through their experience with members of the service corps to employ more readily and on a permanent basis, qualified Nigerians, irrespective of their States of origin.

I think with this little explanation this helps! Gee & Cat!

Onyinyechi Cosmos

was very helpful! Thank you for the time it took to give it. ~ Geezer.
.

Challenges Titles have to be written like this:
Example: My Mother or whatever title, then you go to the dropdown and enter it into the Challenges # ?
Otherwise, you will not be eligible for a certificate!

I like your suggestion.
Thank you.

author comment

Mr Joghe, you would have changed your title to something else. I do not prefer using Guru as the best title.

* Line 10- "Then, I saw syringe, telescope, theodolite and cardboard
Carrying chalk and duster",

* Line 17- "All I got in return is "penury" and query" Change penury to (scolding) Penury means the state of being poor, extreme poverty!

Onyinyechi Cosmos

Thank you for you suggestion.
I'm very grateful.

author comment

Your title is okay, but you should include a bit more description, something like The Futile Guru, or Fallen Guru?
Your language use is good.
The cadence of this piece is pretty good.
I like the theme quite a lot.
I do not undestand the 'bunny' reference at all. Probably a failing on my part.
I think that the internal logic is consistent.

What I get the most from your poem is the sense of hollow meaninglessness the entire process of trying to improve educational standards really are, and how your protagonist has become very cynical at a process where so much promise and expertise go unrecognized by those in power, while those being used to further the ends of those in power are exposed to the problems that making education better are supposed to alleviate. Its really quite good.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Thank you for your suggestion.
I like it

author comment
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