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GETTING THROUGH THE NIGHT
I lay my head down late at night
after an exhausting day
then turn off the bedside light.
I'm too tired to even pray.
Thoughts keep racing through my mind,
memories of the day just passed,
muscles refuse to unwind.
Old aches assail me from the past.
My tossing wakens her from sleep
and she asks if I'm alright
as the clock hands slowly creep
in the wee hours of this night.
So I tell her that I'm fine;
she rolls over, hugs me tight.
Her touch soothes like some fine wine
Her love will take me through the night.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2019-05-15 17:06
I would
delete the line [like so many times before]. It doesn't rhyme and is superfluous. Maybe just go with;
Her touch is soothing, just like fine wine
Her love will take me through the night.
~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Wed, 2019-05-15 21:30
Hu Gee
Hmmmm....I know it doesn't rhyme.....I'm gonna do something soon about that but I don't want whatever I do to lose the thought contained in that line which denotes that this is far from a one time thing
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2019-05-15 23:17
Ok,I get it...
I do understand what you are trying to achieve. ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lovedly
Sat, 2023-03-25 13:53
IF only Susan ma'am
Could open an Institution
for newly married
how to love
a lovedly hubby...
Point 2.
Her touch soothes like some fine wine
Her love will take me through the night
Her soothing touch like fine red wine
(Her) xxx and love will take me through the night
Please see two ;hers; so near
may replace with and as u deem it fit
Stan ask ma'am
scribbler
Sat, 2023-03-25 15:44
Hi Loved
I'll see what I can do about that close repeat
author comment