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FREAKIN' RHYMES! (rhyme crimes fun write)
These rhymes can really be a pain
when I sit down to write
perhaps it isn't worth the gain
have the free versers got it right?
Searching my brain for the word
which avoids that sing-song sound
should I use endured, inured or turd?
decisions make hollow head pound
Then there are rhymes merely near
but how near is close enough?
each time I use near rhyme I fear
that it still sounds a bit Too off
And those sneaky mid line rhymes
which can be hid in a verse
even at the start sometimes
leavin' us to rant and curse
All this swirling in my head
challenges to write in rhyme
maybe I should scribe blank verse instead
would that really be a crime?
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
this stuff is supposed to be Fun lol
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
PRECIOUSLYSET1
Fri, 2012-07-27 14:58
No crimes only sublimely put
No crimes only sublimely put words
yes, absurd it may seem
just think of the gleam in their eyes
as they realise
the sky is as high as your dreams supply
why deny a reply thats so easily provided
I rely on my time always divided
uninvited guests
invading little pests
never settle unless
your being put to rest
at best
Apologies for that outburst
! hope u dont mind but i simply wrote exxactly
what came to my mind when reading ur rhyme
thats kinda my "thing" lol
Thank u for that stimulating rhythming rhyme of reason!
More please! ;^)
Alone we shall find our ways into worlds of never imagined discoveries
scribbler
Fri, 2012-07-27 22:30
hi Precious
Good to see you back. Glad you liked this little flight of silliness............stan
author commentscribbler
Sat, 2012-07-28 07:34
Hi Eph
Just a little something posted for the rhyme crimes shop. thanks for dropping by...........stan
author commentjudyanne
Thu, 2012-08-02 00:45
scribbles
‘Searching my brain for the right word’
you have already used ‘right’ in the previous stanza
you actually don’t need it here anyway
simply ‘Searching my brain for the word’ would suffice
great internal rhyme in this second stanza..
‘too’ in the third stanza doesn’t need to be capitalised
a fun read – lol rhyme rules
but you do have me a little confused with your claim of this being eastern form?
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Thu, 2012-08-02 08:07
Hi judy
I agree upon review with dropping "right". But I'm gonna leave Too capitalized for emphasis. And every once in a while I purposely mislabel a poem as to type just to see if anybody notices. Congrats! by having noticed you just won a free membership in my rhyme patterns shop lol............stan
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2012-08-06 03:47
Like Judy who also pushed the limits of this workshop,
you ended up whining about the process in the poem, but also doing a fucking fantastic job.
I'm sure Wesley would be proud of both of you.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Mon, 2012-08-06 09:47
Hi Jess
Just wish I could have supplied some cheese to go with the whine lol............seriously though I think this shop has really helped me.........stan
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