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FIWYHWIWU

It felt like you were
like when i paused a minute
between awareness and eyes open
i was sure you could have been
i want to wake up before you
and let the dog out
and return with coffee
and carrot cake
i want to see the look in your eyes
when you wake up
i want to take a blade
to the last tenuous sinew
that has me gleefully teetering
over a life spent falling into you
tear me to ribbons and wrap me up
like a gift that's yours to open
over coffee and
carrot cake and
sleeping in and
making love and
fucking
to the edge of all breath and back
Together

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I think a poet needs to be careful that vulgarities in a poem fit the poem well.
like this poem very poetic and for me fucking is abrupt and not poetic at all in this poem.
What's up with the title? Is there meaning there or random letters?
Pleased to have read your poem,
Mark

If not now when!
Someday I'll be a poet.

Given context of the relationship between this poem and the other I would leave fuck, it fits right once the reader knows what the title means, fucking doesn't have to be a bad thing, passion takes over and yeah that's just me.

I am going to play with those first three lines in my head this afternoon, there is something that doesn't feel right...

I have to say I adore this poem, other than changing the title to give *fuck* context & those first three lines its brilliant!!!

hugs JC

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

Fucking stands out like a sore thumb but if that is what you want it's yours to write.
Truly,
Mark

If not now when!
Someday I'll be a poet.

I'm sorry if my comment offended. Since I hadn't been here very much in these last seven or eight years, no one had pointed that out. Glad you did. I will keep in my lane from here on out.

Cheers Jayne

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

Commenting on other members comments has been historically dissuaded as per the desire of our member services director Jess Taper (now deceased) The idea of commenting in any form has always been directed in this way - Stick to the poetry.
The author always has the opportunity to speak for his or herself.
With due respect,
Mark

If not now when!
Someday I'll be a poet.

I will reread the site rules when I'm around next time, it seems I am out of touch. A public reprimand seems to be the way of things now.

I feel thoroughly chastised.

Cheers for that! Jayne

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

these are my favorite lines:

i want to see the look in your eyes
when you wake up
i want to take a blade
to the last tenuous sinew
that has me gleefully teetering
over a life spent falling into you

I think you should know that I love your poetry. it is fresh and unrestrained.

*hugs, Cat

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