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FIRE CONTROL
I burned through time back in my youth
like wildfires in a drought stricken land.
Back then I didn't know the truth.
Young folks seldom understand.
Every spark which floats away
which climbs then falls from our life's sky
is the passing of yet one more day
gone no matter how we try.
And life sped past and time went by
in its inexorable burn
but then slowly, sigh by sigh
I finally began to learn.
The fuel of life has limits too
the supply shrinks, it doesn't grow
and when at last it's been burnt through
with its last flame, we, also must go.
So now I savor each flame's glow
and carefully bank every ember
hoping that by doing so
I'll delay the coming of December.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Fri, 2015-09-25 19:42
Did you mean...
shrinks, not shanks? I liked this one a lot, It spoke to me. A few minor stumbles in the rhythm, but nothing that really detracted from the story. Very nice! ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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scribbler
Fri, 2015-09-25 22:29
Darn
Sometime when I review a poem I miss the typos! Good thing I've got friends here to point them out lol. The word should read "Shrinks" and has now been edited to do so. Thanks for both the read and the eagle eye.BTW have you begun going over your stuff in case you are contacted to contribute some to the up coming book?...............stan
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2015-09-26 05:37
I don't know...
about the eagle eye, you know how it gets as you get older, one doesn't see as sharply as one did in youth. I just like the type of work that you do and when something is amiss, I pick up on it right away. Jess is right, that line needs a little contraction. I am only now finding out about the book. Not sure of what to look for as I don't know what kind of work to submit if I am contacted. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Sat, 2015-09-26 09:59
for book
Submit what you think is your best work. if/when contacted you will be asked to submit 3 poems. All might be used or none but its likely at least one will be......stan PS I'd like to use All submissions but budgetary restraints will prevent that
author commentweirdelf
Sat, 2015-09-26 02:36
"Life is too short to spend time prolonging it"
from James Bond by Ian Fleming
That's just a thought that sprang to mind while reading this.
I like it.
the worst stumble is
which won't return heedless how we try.
could you find a way to compress this?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Sat, 2015-09-26 10:02
Hey Jess
Good to see you out and about. And I agree with you about that line. I've not been happy with it either and have already tried other ways of saying the same thing. Of course the rhyming makes this harder that it would be in free verse lol. I'll come up with a better alternative............stan
author commentRula
Sat, 2015-09-26 09:36
isn't this amazing
I really like this one Stan!! Not sure if it is meant to be the workshop's assignment #3?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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scribbler
Sat, 2015-09-26 10:06
Amazing?
I think that's the first time I've had a poem of mine called amazing!. Thank you. And,no, this is a poem which was inspired by a story I read in a book which equated life's passing with a burning fire. I'm still working on how "Borg's Tale " can be written to Include emotion, metaphor and simile lol........stan
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