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Faithless

Faithless

Another's hands

have warmed your world

swimming in your ocean of desire

invading our private sanctuary

you disclosed secret locations

that were created by us as lovers

while playing our music

you noticed the curve of her thigh

her warm breath on your lips

as your soul slid into her rapture

gently you held the arch of her back

as your momentary pleasure tore apart

the fortress stronghold of our loving

alone we are pitiable weak and bleeding

while Winter settles itself in the heart

*

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

The whole thing. I’m not opposed to free verse and I dabble. Sometimes reading it doesn’t sound they way the author intended but your writing is not like that at all. I’m not cosplaying Galadriel, I swear. But I am reading in a female voice. It’s both terrible and beautiful and acceptingly melancholic. Christ any line you pick is profound. It’s like a comic strip of little oil paintings that complete the previous.

Impressive,
Tim

I fear you are giving me a swelled head with your praise. thank you for telling me what you liked. you also must not be afraid to tell me about rough spots and things that hit your ear wrong. I write free verse the way I think and talk...Steve says that when I am excited, I talk backwards, lol!

*hugs, Cat

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author comment

I think the plain fact here is, it’s very different from my writing. Even when I compose something loose I’m not saying it with the same intent or inflection. You waste very few words and that makes me think you really take time with them. I’m not much of a revisionist. I do revise of course but I kinda just crank it out and it is what it is. Lousy poems are good too.

If you want some critique I can say that I’m not always into the subject matter, poems about killing and murder aren’t really my deal, but I’m looking at the composition, and of course I do enjoy some horror genre stuff. A well told story is just that even if it ends in gratuitous blood spatter.

Enjoy the inflated Ego , you deserve it,
Tim

this is something that really happened to me. my husband (#2) and best friend were carrying on for a few month's before I caught on. of course i want your critique and value what you have to say.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I think the plain fact here is, it’s very different from my writing. Even when I compose something loose I’m not saying it with the same intent or inflection. You waste very few words and that makes me think you really take time with them. I’m not much of a revisionist. I do revise of course but I kinda just crank it out and it is what it is. Lousy poems are good too.

If you want some critique I can say that I’m not always into the subject matter, poems about killing and murder aren’t really my deal, but I’m looking at the composition, and of course I do enjoy some horror genre stuff. A well told story is just that even if it ends in gratuitous blood spatter.

Enjoy the inflated Ego , you deserve it,
Tim

I think the plain fact here is, it’s very different from my writing. Even when I compose something loose I’m not saying it with the same intent or inflection. You waste very few words and that makes me think you really take time with them. I’m not much of a revisionist. I do revise of course but I kinda just crank it out and it is what it is. Lousy poems are good too.

If you want some critique I can say that I’m not always into the subject matter, poems about killing and murder aren’t really my deal, but I’m looking at the composition, and of course I do enjoy some horror genre stuff. A well told story is just that even if it ends in gratuitous blood spatter.

Enjoy the inflated Ego , you deserve it,
Tim

a world torn apart, in "flagrant delicto." Another job for eddy?
Well and often told tale, but without screaming obscenties! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

this actually happened to me. I came home from my nursing job early because the Lady I cared for, her family came to visit her. they told me to go ahead and go home. that is what I came home to. I never wrote about it before without swearing!

*hugs, Cat

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And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Is relatable to me on so many levels. An elegant way of portraying betrayal. Sounds like someone either brought their mistress or new person to all the places the two of you had been. It is a terrible feeling and a lot of audacity on the part of the spineless soul committing the offense. Another great piece.

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with a great body and a face to weep for... he, and my best girlfriend, you know the one who you finish each others sentences and love all the same things? she was blond and long legged with a porcelain completion. and incredible wit. I missed her terribly. it would be twenty years before I trusted enough to love again.

thinking back I didn't really love him like love is supposed to be....

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author comment

Once again you have captured the moment and my interest

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

you can't know how good it is for me to see you! I sure hope that you are well and getting better! love ya, Cat
and eddy

When someone reads your work
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And reply in kind, thanks.

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