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In the Evening!

Warm colorful melodies
are floating on the breeze
blended with emotion
the folks there, stop to see
stars fall thru young lovers eyes
they dance neath autumn trees
following the lamplight
down a cobbled street
the moon shows her sleepy head
as folks begin to leave
and silently they slip away
as though they were but a dream!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This was fun to write, less serious perhaps than all of the poems that I have written so far.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "In the Evening!" evokes a sense of whimsy and romance in its description of a fall evening. The use of warm and colorful melodies creates a sensory experience for the reader, and the imagery of stars falling through young lovers' eyes is particularly striking. The poem also effectively captures the fleeting nature of the evening, with the moon appearing as people begin to leave and the final line describing the silent departure of those who were present.

One possible line edit could be to change "as though they'd never been" to "as though they were but a dream." This would further emphasize the transience of the evening and add to the overall dreamlike quality of the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

A sleepy little hamlet with the same sonorous streets,
unchanged in generations; young lovers walking in the lamplight
swishing through the autumn leaves. The moon comes full and
people start sliding off into the twilight, going home.
Distracted, the writer never sees them leave, they have just gone.

Nice scenario, makes me feel like I'm there in the cool, brisk air
of fall. I don't see anything to correct. I even agree with the line
that the AI dropped on ya as a replacement. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Yes me too. Or the old sections of the worlds cities where the streets are cobblestone and little wider than alleys. I can feel the stones under my feet with moon above. Running my fingers along 200 year old red brick wall and mortar.

John if you wanna do a song this would be a good start
Tim

if I could borrow a melody. I might be able to find a lyric that works. I can't
promise anything, but I would like to try! I have no idea of what chord
progression to use.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

I have to keep the words in the studio and look at them a bit. The more I repeat them the closer I get. Occasionally it’s instant but that’s pretty rare.

I’ll give it a shot.
Tim

whatever you can come up with will be a good start!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment
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