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EQUALIZER
In a cemetery rank and old
whose church's steeple rises thrusting and bold
lie the parishioners in ragged rows
beneath the ground where all time slows..
Some alone, some in family plots
whether in cloth or coffin their shroud rots.
In their rest none there complain
for now they're free of earthly pain.
One grave marked by a field stone
not much larger than a corn pone
beside another's monumental statue
whose granite eyes stare downward at you.
But be the marker huge or tall
the sun shines equally on them all.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
China Blue
Sat, 2015-03-28 19:28
Stan
One tiny suggestion is all I have
add "them" before all
or perhaps not
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
scribbler
Sat, 2015-03-28 20:27
good suggestion
And thanks for the visit......stan
author commentjudyanne
Sun, 2015-03-29 02:20
l really like this Stan
but 'beneath the ground where slow time grows' bothers me a tad
I have no idea why it bugs me - I actually like the concept.... but it doesn't seem quite right - it pulls the reader too far out of the poem in order that one can ponder on it.
Just me I know, but I think maybe 'where time grows slow' might work better
Love the write Stan - good rhythm
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Sun, 2015-03-29 08:55
I can
always count on you to pinpoint the very same things I'm not satisfied with lol. I'll see what I can do with that line with fresh eyes today........stan
author commentraj
Sun, 2015-03-29 13:39
Hello Stan
It seems to me that wherever you go your mind sub consciously pans all around and then during leisurely moments gets downloaded in the form of poetic verse...like this one...
great job as always,
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Sun, 2015-03-29 22:48
Hi Raj
After time it seems the hardest thing is finding something to write about which I've not already covered. And you're right. I drove by a cemetery the other day and there were plain unmarked field stones and large monument some with statues. But rich or poor those beneath these markers are the same......stan
author comment