Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Epitaph

Submitted by Lavender on Sun, 2023-06-04 08:54

She tried to write a final poem
before her bell had tolled,
but took too long composing,
now her hand has turned to mold.

Last few words:

It's hard to find just the right words, sometimes.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2023-06-04 15:00

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Epitaph

Poem text:
She tried to write a final poem
before her bell had tolled,
but took too long composing,
now her hand has turned to mold.

Feedback:

1. Structure: The poem follows a simple AABB rhyme scheme and has a consistent rhythm. The brevity of the poem contributes to its impact, as it succinctly conveys the message.

2. Imagery: The imagery in the poem is effective in evoking a sense of finality and the passage of time. The use of "bell" and "mold" create a somber atmosphere, while the idea of a hand turning to mold highlights the physical decay that comes with death.

3. Theme: The theme of the poem revolves around the idea of missed opportunities and the inevitability of death. The poet's subject is unable to complete her final poem before her time runs out, which serves as a reminder to readers to seize the moment and make the most of their time.

Suggestions for improvement:

1. Consider exploring the subject's emotions or thoughts in more depth. This could help readers connect with the subject on a deeper level and create a more poignant experience.

2. Experiment with varying the poem's structure or rhythm to create a more dynamic reading experience. This could involve using enjambment, varying line lengths, or changing the rhyme scheme.

3. To further strengthen the theme, consider incorporating additional imagery or metaphors that emphasize the passage of time or the fleeting nature of life. This could help to reinforce the poem's message and create a more vivid picture for the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Mon, 2023-06-05 11:45

Thank you

for the critique!
L

author comment

Obadiah Grey

Mon, 2023-06-05 12:52

I feel that once ol' iron

I feel that once ol' iron arse plumbs and recognises the depths of sarcasm, dry wit, and gives us advice on how to improve said traits,,,,,we best run for the hills.

Obi.

Lavender

Mon, 2023-06-05 13:58

Hi, Obi,

An acquired taste, for sure. May not be easily recognized... :)
L

author comment

Obadiah Grey

Sun, 2023-06-04 12:41

Hee hee,,,, typical woman,,,

Hee hee,,,, typical woman,,, took too long!

Nice one L !!!

Obi.

Lavender

Mon, 2023-06-05 11:48

Hi, Obi,

If there were those emoji guys available here, I'm not certain if I'd use a frown or a smiley face to respond to your comment. Probably both! Thank you for reading this bit of humor! Always appreciated!
L

author comment

Lavender

Mon, 2023-06-05 11:53

Hi, Max!

This was written absolutely, positively with a poetic dry sense of humor. (Which I very seldom do.) I feel I've been friends with several poets here long enough to hopefully be remembered a bit more tenderly, and with a bit of wit, too.
Thank you for reading!
Lav

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2023-06-05 15:16

Absolutely!...

I think that I could believe that you are a bit of a procrastinator! I am! That is why I recognize and agree with the dry, humor
part of it all. "It's just an epitaph, I'll get around to it, I've got plenty of time". Ooops!
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Lavender

Mon, 2023-06-05 15:45

Hi, Geezer,

I love your take on this! However, I tend to be pretty picky when choosing the exact words and language for a poem. I think I'm more of a hyper-perfectionist than a procrastinator, but one can sure lead to the other. (As in writing your own epitaph...) I really like this poem topic! I gave it some thought and this is what splayed itself out on the page. A bit of fun!
Thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks!
L

author comment

RoseBlack

Mon, 2023-06-05 19:12