Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Dreamcatcher

Dreamcatcher
Nightmare snatcher,
Take the bad dreams away,
Leave me softly slumbering
Until night has broken into day.

Chase away the shadows,
And the bad thoughts within my head
Letting me sleep soundly,
As I lay cuddled up in bed.

Keep me safe and sound,
Until the night comes to an end,
Thankyou for your guidance,
My mystical, feathered friend.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
I suffer from really bad nightmares and I was told that if I asked my Dreamcatcher to help filter out the nightmares it would, so I wrote a short poem hoping that it will help me finally get some rest.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

from really bad nightmares. I acquired a Dreamcatcher a couple of years ago and since, the nightmares have been many fewer and of less intensity. I really like your poem, but see a couple of places
where the pattern could be tightened up.

1] Until night has [changed] into day - or maybe [morphed] a single syllable word.
2] Let[ting] me sleep soundly

This has an almost mystical, sing-song [like a prayer] quality
It might even build a ritual before bed that helps. Good luck! ~ Geez.
.

Don't forget to enter the October Halloween Contest!
there is a $25 Gift Card from Amazon and 3 months Premium Profile!

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Tell each other what you think

.

I have changed let to letting but with the broken I was thinking of the hymn "morning has broken" by Eleanor Farjeon and changed doesn't really hit it the same for me, however I really am grateful for your suggestions to help me become a better poet, thankyou x

author comment

your reluctance to change that line, and offer a new suggestion. How about; [ 'Till ] night? Purely to keep the cadence.
It is my pleasure to help if I can. This is a good piece of work! As I have said; I enjoy the sing-song ritualistic quality
about it. ~ Geezer.
.

Don't forget to enter the October Halloween Contest!
there is a $25 Gift Card from Amazon and 3 months Premium Profile!

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Tell each other what you think

.

Thankyou for your input xxx

author comment

I've been here 14yrs this year I think it is. But I've been away for quite some time. I am not here to critique today but I do critique just not today. I really like the cadence of this one I had it singing in my head. I have nothing to offer but its a solid start. You could really expand on this theme especially with Halloween approaching. Lovely to meet you Ms Eccentric Owl.

Kindest regards Jayne

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Nice to meet you too x

author comment

I have no suggestions for improvement because I think this is excellent as is

Thankyou so much xx

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.