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Submitted by chevyvent on Sat, 2019-06-15 14:48

Shelter Lies Dormant

beat from their heat of the street
shelter lies dormant onto its beckoning plough
where to go firm & complete
structured...complete...their machine in works,
call out your father take claim to your mother
discover from up yonder...

suffer in silernce
suffer from its quaint silence
burden with a fly...
close their closet door

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Simon

Tue, 2019-06-18 05:01

Simon's picture

Especially

"Suffer in silence
Suffer from it's quaint silence
Burden with a fly...
Close their closet door"

Well, I want be clear with this one here,
(Beat from their heat of the street) though I suggest it should be (beat from their heart on the street).

Just a suggestion.
I rather learn how to fish than beg for one.

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