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DEWBERRY'S MESSAGE
Well look there off the old roadside
a white bloom is greeting the new day
by spreading its white petals wide
almost as if it wants to say
cold weather is now in the past
That dewberry took me by surprise
appearing so early in the spring
an hour after pink sunrise
as insects hum and wild birds sing
their joy that winter now has passed
Just as pale dogwood flowers fade
and long since pears have shed their white
among the brambles in wild glade
these snowy blooms now come in sight
declaring frosts are gone at last
Ere long the bloom will turn to berry
glossy black with barest hint of sweet
I'll gather all that I can carry
by then in midst of summer heat
I'll long for fall's first icy blast
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
loved
Fri, 2012-04-13 23:54
Invasion, No, intrusion No ,ONLY a modified version No? OK WHY.
Invasion, No, intrusion No ,ONLY a modified version No? OK
WHY.???..occasional foray into free verse.....''
It's not only my domain..
and
WHY
....are all Neopoets going out of their way ....
only to please the one and only
I I i I i I ?!!!!
Stan this is for you...
To dwell into
and
answer
I ,as free verse exponent of poetry...
feel crushed ,
under rhyming metered verse...
what could be a curse
morer worse???
loved
scribbler
Sat, 2012-04-14 09:17
Hi loved
The curse of rhyming verse huh? I try free verse and every time, the damned thing turns into a rhyme lol........stan
author commentmagics02
Fri, 2012-04-13 23:57
Hey Stan
I like this story poem. I see you have improved of your skill here. As I read it gives me a picture. How I wish you could add pictures with the poem here. It really adds to the presentation. I have the mental picture of those dogwoods and it is nice. It reads well.
How have you been and Sue?
Just stopping in for coffee. Meet you by the riverside:)
Mona
scribbler
Sat, 2012-04-14 09:20
Hi mona
good to have you back. I think having picture would be OK for you computer people who'd know how to add them lol.Sue and I just keep chugging along.How's things your way?............stan
author commentmagics02
Sat, 2012-04-14 15:14
Doing fine
Thanks and how did your book publishing come out. I remember you were working on it. Is it an ebook on Amazon? How is your son doing by the way. I am still taking care of things here and recently retired so maybe I can pick up my pen and start writing. I have been doing other writing projects as well but not so much of poetry as I used to. We shall see if I can get that muse going again.
Nice to hear from you and read your work again
Blessings
Mona
scribbler
Sat, 2012-04-14 17:41
Hi mona
Book is titled "TO WALK BENEATH ASPENS" it's an E-book availale on Amazon for a dollar lol. I think it can be bought on Kindle or any other E-reader. Dustin is slowly improving. Takes a while to get over 3 years of continuous major surgeries and accompanying dependence on pain killers. Now sit yourself down and write something lol........stan
author commentjudyanne
Sat, 2012-04-14 13:55
lol stan
i saw your comment about starting off trying free verse and ending up with verse
i have the same problem - i think in thyme !!!!
btw - i like this write third verse especially
nothing to crit
love judy
xxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Sat, 2012-04-14 14:01
Hi Judy
I just noticed I'm too lazy to write Judyanne lol. Hope no offence is given. If I get even lazier you might become simply Jude lmao. Thanks for dropping by and glad you liked this.............stan
author commentjudyanne
Sat, 2012-04-14 14:10
lol that's ok stan
i'm only judyanne to a few people amyway - you might note i sign off as 'judy'
i only used it when i first came here as i misunderstood and thought that i was supposed to use a pen name
'jude is fine, so is 'judd', and i even get even 'fred' at times :)
as well as the real one, which is 'judith' - lol but people have to be careful how they say that one - it can sound rather snobby
love and hugs
judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Sat, 2012-04-14 18:27
Hi "J"
I called a woman who went by MaryHellen simply Mary once and got my ear chewed off lol. Better safe.............stan
author commentjudyanne
Sat, 2012-04-14 18:34
rotflmao - J
even better, but don't ever forget to capitalise it :)
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Nordic cloud
Sun, 2012-04-15 05:46
White flowers the white
White flowers the white whiteness
petals our minds
with soft perfumes and breezes
of dew decked mornings,
while the birds sing arias
to the delicate colours of dawn.
Transported to your climes stan.
Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
scribbler
Sun, 2012-04-15 09:40
Hi Ann
Better save a bit of that up for the workshop lol. Thanks for coming by...........stan
author comment