Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Despair

Submitted by Hon on Sun, 2024-08-11 20:57

Despair takes over
when death comes
to a soft wind whisper
embrace with the
final thought of
devastating heart
fill with farewell cord

Echoes of grief reflect
with shattered dream
from strength diminish
of a mother’s agony
with her loss of child
shed in heavy tears
like an ocean wave

In seeking for help
of comfort in need
for a granted of wish
from the beacon light
guiding to the broken spirit
leading to the glee of eternity
bring the console to peace

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

Neopoet Weekly 08/11/24 to 08/17/24

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-08-12 03:00

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Despair" is a poignant exploration of grief and loss, employing vivid and emotive imagery to convey the depth of the speaker's sorrow. The use of metaphors and similes, such as "like an ocean wave" and "guiding to the broken spirit," effectively evoke the overwhelming and transformative nature of grief.

The poem could benefit from a more consistent use of verb tenses. For instance, "Despair takes over" and "death comes" are in the present tense, while "Echoes of grief reflect" is in the present perfect tense. Consistency in verb tenses would enhance the coherence of the poem and make it easier for readers to follow the progression of the speaker's thoughts and emotions.

Additionally, the poem could be improved by refining the syntax and grammar. For example, "fill with farewell cord" and "of comforting in need" are somewhat unclear and could be rephrased for clarity. Similarly, "for a grant of wish" could be revised to "for a granted wish" or "for the granting of a wish" to improve the flow of the poem.

Lastly, the poem's structure could be enhanced by creating a more distinct rhythm or meter. This could be achieved by adjusting the number of syllables per line or the placement of stresses within each line. A more consistent rhythm or meter would add to the musicality of the poem and make it more engaging for readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hon

Mon, 2024-08-12 10:15