Oh let me kiss those sable eyes,
Dark and wild as storm at night;
Look deep into those gates of love
And lose my soul, my heart, my life.

the whole poem is amazing, but the lines above are my favorite! exquisite writing and execution.. much enjoyed.

*hugs, Cat

p.s.
I see you too like Poe and Bob Dylan. have you heard Marc Cohn's "Girl Of Mysterious Sorrow"? I think you will like it!

Hello, Alex,
Although not the traditional form, the essence of this piece feels much like a sonnet in language, rhyme, and rhythm. The poem seems to personify Desire as a woman, and I am curious about the references to Egypt and Rome. Very passionate. I see in your profile that you own a theater company. Your talent shows in this piece.
Thank you!
L

This is absolutely beautiful. I see some things that could strengthen it and I’ll drop the suggestions here.

If I could just caress the face
That has for centuries endured;
Lured men stronger e’re than I
With eyes so dark my soul they score.

Oh let me kiss those sable eyes,
Dark and wild as storm at night;
Look deep into those gates of love
I’d lose my soul, my heart, my life.

If I could but touch those lips
That pout and tease and draw men in;
Soft, brush them with my own hot breath
And feel the magic of my sin.

From Spartan Queens to Egypt’s plains,
From Roman cities, summer bright,
Her beauty, rare, rolls down the years
And to my life brings worth and light.

I took the liberty of removing some of the articles. Let’s talk about that. It’s not a great habit to use articles as placeholders for missing syllables. It’s disinteresting and I dare say, lazy. You are an excellent writer and I think you could try and reword those lines so you get the rhythm you want without using “and” so often. I left the last two stanza as you wrote them so you could see the difference. Where I removed the “and”s the reader still totally gets your meaning, those ands are implied by the context clues.

I enjoy your writing immensely. It’s very musical. As a lyricist I was habitually using these place holders too to make the words fit the musical trappings. This was the best advice I was given when I first came to the site by Cat. Now I pass it on to you.

You’re incredibly talented
Tim