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The Deep End
Conversations deepen as
old friendships remain in the shallows
So swim above the dark abyss of
self awareness vast and mysterious
Here I’m finding new companions
speaking from the heart’s wide breadth
Storied pasts and harsh mistakes
released into the sinking depths
Join us here in letting go
Float about with unburdened mind
Holding onto heavy things
becomes a shallow life defined
Talking small is no great sin
these pleasantries we all abide
Most folks speak of news or weather
I speak of the storms inside
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
U.S.A.
Favorite Poets
Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman. I’m enamored by the work of lyricists such as Robert Hunter, John Barlow, John Dyer Baizley, and Tom Marshall just to name a handful.
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-04-07 05:19
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Deep End" explores the notion of deepening conversations and shedding the weight of past mistakes. The use of water imagery is effective in conveying the idea of diving into the unknown and finding new companionship. The contrast between the shallow and the deep is cleverly used to highlight the importance of letting go of burdensome thoughts and connecting with others on a deeper level.
One line edit suggestion could be to replace "self awareness vast and mysterious" with "the vast and mysterious depths of self-awareness." This change would enhance the flow and clarity of the line.
Overall, "The Deep End" is a well-crafted poem that encourages readers to embrace vulnerability and engage in meaningful conversations. The use of water imagery is particularly strong and adds depth to the theme of the piece.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Fri, 2023-04-07 06:55
dearest Tim,
this reminds me of a song which Lady Gaga and Bradly Cooper sang in the movie: "A Star Is Born" called "Shallow. that song blew me away; as does your poem. I love the way you open up and show us your true heart; it is courageous!
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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Geezer
Fri, 2023-04-07 12:12
At the risk of...
sounding like a priest at confessional, I will say Amen! I do suppose that it may be somewhat a confession when we unburden ourselves to our fellows, but not for absolution or penitence; but simply the pleasure of connecting with our compatriots.
One way we know to do that, is by applying the knowledge of human failings and the fact that we all make mistakes.
I felt the connection and was rewarded with a sense of comradeship. Great job! ~ Geez.
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RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-04-08 08:22
Deep reflection and conversation
The elements of wise and lasting friendship! I think we value these things more as we get older! Well done!
~RoseBlack~