Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Declaration of Love

Submitted by Ekaterina Alexa... on Mon, 2023-02-13 02:08

Sweetly whispered sentiments, hypnotizing looks
You won me over and captured my heart
with your intoxicating charm
Your words have always provided comfort
like a warm breeze in the crisp midnight air

Your soul spoke to mine and caressed my thoughts,
unveiling even the darkest ones
Your touch declared your love and spoke
of an urgent need for my embrace

I understand it clearly now
that your devotion knows no limit
No barrier will ever prove insurmountable,
no ocean can keep us apart
For you are the one who is: today, tomorrow
and will forever be in my heart

You are humble in your wisdom
gentle and kind in nature
Despite the pain and trauma you harbour,
you possess more courage and strength
than anyone else I know

Clocks are ticking and time goes by
old relics will one day be forgotten
While other memories may well be erased,
I am utterly certain that my love
and admiration for you will never fade

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is a bit of a personal one for me. It's dedicated to the most beautiful, kind, brave, strong person I know who also taught me to be all those things. The one who loved me and accepted me 100% as I am, even accepted all my flaws and bad qualities. Instead of the fairy tale it should have been, he was locked up, tortured and then eventually sent to the other side of the world :( I'm getting emotional now! I would really appreciate any advice and feedback to make this poem better. I want it to be perfect to send to him for Valentines Day tomorrow! Thank you Xxx
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Seren

Mon, 2023-02-13 08:25

Seren's picture

I think this could do with an edit. Would you mind if I copied it and showed you what I'm suggesting. I can see this is really important to you.

I think it has potential to be a beautiful declaration of love.

Warm hugs Jayne xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Ekaterina Alexa...

Mon, 2023-02-13 08:33

Ekaterina Alexandrovna Sherbatskaya's picture

Yes please- I would love for it to be perfect. But don't take any of the meaning away.

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2023-02-13 10:18

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

suggestion would be to change the word [wicked], to awful or horrible. Something that doesn't make it sound like he is the [wicked] one. ~ Geezer.
.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

Ekaterina Alexa...

Mon, 2023-02-13 10:37

Ekaterina Alexandrovna Sherbatskaya's picture

That's a really good suggestion! He is definitely not the wicked one. He is a unicorn in my life- so rare, pure and beautiful.

author comment

RoseBlack

Mon, 2023-02-13 12:10

RoseBlack's picture
Volunteer badge

Personal and brave write! Kudos to you for putting in such beautiful form!

~RoseBlack~

RoseBlack

Mon, 2023-02-13 12:11

RoseBlack's picture
Volunteer badge

Personal and brave write! Kudos to you for putting in such beautiful form!

~RoseBlack~

Ekaterina Alexa...

Mon, 2023-02-13 22:15

Ekaterina Alexandrovna Sherbatskaya's picture

Thanks so much Xxx

author comment

Seren

Mon, 2023-02-13 19:33

Seren's picture

Thanks for understanding my perspective for your poem. I think that it is now a celebration of your love for your love

I wish you both a very Happy Valentines day

I would save those two stanzas for another poem for that day the drum is beaten. They are well written.

Warm hugs Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Ekaterina Alexa...

Mon, 2023-02-13 22:16

Ekaterina Alexandrovna Sherbatskaya's picture

Hi Jayne,

Thanks so much for all your help.

Honor

author comment

Aesthetic Night

Sun, 2023-03-19 15:02

The use of language was great. Full of color and emotion. The form you write in is different than mine and so
I won't comment on that. The title is great. This person must be very special. I hope that time is a friend to both
of you!

the

The only difference between a grave and a rut is that one has an open end!
Just keep moving, writing, whatever it takes! You've got it sussed!

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.