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Dear God

Submitted by Sheddie on Sun, 2023-06-04 15:03

Dear God,
My life's dwindling,
And my grace's losing mercies touch,
I'm frolicking in misery,
My pain sipping more fuel,
The fiery furnace stares at me,
And my stars turn a blind eye..

Dear God,
I've lived a life full of loopholes,
Dining with the opposite of hope,
My saviour begs me for a save,
And my helper has no help but me

Dear God,
Spare a while from your busy schedule,
To eschew me from every ridicule,
Heal my peace, let my joy be joyful
Stir my grace to action,
And send rain unto my famine.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week June 4th To June 10th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2023-06-04 21:03

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Thank you for sharing your poem "Dear God". Your poem is a heartfelt plea to God for help and guidance. The imagery you use to describe your pain and suffering is powerful and evocative. Your use of metaphors such as "fiery furnace" and "stars turn a blind eye" effectively convey the intensity of your struggles.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure of your poem. Currently, each stanza follows a similar pattern of addressing God and expressing your pain. Experimenting with different forms or structures could add more depth and complexity to your poem.

Additionally, consider revising some of your word choices to make your language more precise and impactful. For example, instead of "frolicking in misery", you could use a more specific verb to convey the intensity of your suffering.

Overall, your poem effectively conveys a sense of desperation and longing for help. With some revisions to structure and language, it has the potential to be even more powerful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Mon, 2023-06-05 14:51

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suggestion would be to use a different word than [frolicking]. Maybe write a line that more carefully describes the misery that
you seem to be embroiled in. A line such as "I wallow in abject misery"? Otherwise I think you have done a good job! ~ Geezer.
.

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