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Dark And Stormy

Who are you?
With your scarlet lipstick,
Drinking your dark and stormy,
A secret in your smile,

My eyes refuse to meet yours,
My cheeks blushing,
I notice a small scar on your hand,
No wedding ring,
I sigh to myself,
What the heart wants,
It may never get,

Then you get up,
And slowly walk away,
As I glance at you like a wounded puppy,
My fears too real to be bold,

But then you stop,
And turn your head slightly,
Giving me a sensuous scarlet smile,

Tonight,
The heart will get what it wants.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

the dark and stormy heart! I like the story and wish that it was a little more. The idea is great, there is just a little something missing. I'm not sure of what it is, maybe it is that there was no real interaction. Maybe you will get a clue from one of the other poets. ~ Geezer.
.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

Thx so much for the feedback!

author comment

I’m to assume they rendezvous from the last lines but the rest is very ambiguous. Now if it is meant to be ambiguous. I don’t think there’s anything missing except a question mark at the end.

Who are you?
With your scarlet lipstick,
Drinking your dark and stormy,
A secret in your smile,

My eyes refuse to meet yours,
My cheeks blushing,
I notice a small scar on your hand,
No wedding ring,
I sigh to myself,
What the heart wants,
It may never get,

Then you get up,
And slowly walk away,
As I glance at you like a wounded puppy,
My fears too real to be bold,

But then you stop,
And turn your head slightly,
Giving me a sensuous scarlet smile,

Tonight,
The heart will get what it wants?

Or maybe

Who are you?
With your scarlet lipstick,
Drinking your dark and stormy,
A secret in your smile,

My eyes refuse to meet yours,
My cheeks blushing,
I notice a small scar on your hand,
No wedding ring,
I sigh to myself,
What the heart wants,
It may never get,

Then you get up,
And slowly walk away,
As I glance at you like a wounded puppy,
My fears too real to be bold,

But then you stop,
And turn your head slightly,
Giving me a sensuous scarlet smile.
The waitress places a cocktail napkin
Face down beside my drink deliberately
Making certain I notice
I flip it over
“Room 319”

Tonight,
The heart will get what it wants.

It was worth a shot
Tim

agreed! Thx :)

author comment

Agreed and thx!!

author comment

I like your poem and I see it is not up for edit.
Thought I would say though that for me it reads too fast.
I want to savor every line of this experience.
The structure kind of pushes me along.
For what it's worth,
Mark

If not now when!
Someday I'll be a poet.

Thx for the feedback!!

author comment

I really like these lines:

But then you stop,
And turn your head slightly,
Giving me a sensuous scarlet smile,

Tonight,
The heart will get what it wants.

the whole poem is electrifying! enjoyed it all!

*hugs, Cat
* ever, eddy styx

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you so much :)

author comment
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