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Dancers
Dancers
Infused by stimulation
Reciprocal fluid elocution
In their synchronized harmony
Waltzing to the
Heartbeat of the music
They would drift
Gliding on laughter
Dancing attendance
On physical syntax
Teaching their traumas
To slumber
Caught in the center maze
Of their universe
Until touched by
Each other's
Migrant souls
She had neither
Lived nor breathed
Her existence within
Narrow boundaries
Unimaginable loneliness
Defined her
He crossed her
Impenetrable barriers
To transform
Her apathy of being
Rescued...
She from
Bitter soul death
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
For my manuscript Mirror/rorroM
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
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Comments
Starlight
Sat, 2012-03-03 16:53
lovely♥
i enjoyed this a lot. the words fit together nicely. great job :)
Candlewitch
Sat, 2012-03-03 16:56
Thank You Star!
For reading and responding! I'm so glad you liked it. I thought you might ;)
always, Cat
*
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author commentCloudthings
Sat, 2012-03-03 17:39
Soul touching
Loved these lines especially Cat, really moved me ....
"Until touched by
Each other's
Migrant souls"
Oooh, just reminded of one of my most fave lines in one of my many fave songs by Joni Mitchell
"I remember that time you told me ... "Love is touching souls"
Well surely you touched mine,
cos, part of you pours
out of me
in these lines
from time to time"
...... Brilliant huh, don't you just know that feeling?
Cheers
Anni
Cheers
Anni
My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-03-05 13:01
Dear Sweet Anni,
It is so very good to have you back again, within the folds of our close knit community. I have missed you and I'm sure others have as well :)
Thank you for the high compliment of being compared to a Joni Mitchell song! I love her!
I hope you are feeling well and will be around the site for a very long time to come.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2012-03-05 13:03
*blushes happily,
Thank you dear Lonnie, for reading and always being so kind. Yours is a very generous spirit!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentlowdownlady
Sat, 2012-03-03 23:04
whoa, mama. what emotion.
whoa, mama. what emotion. incredible vocabulary you've got there, you've totally mastered what words to put where to make a person feel. i've lived this poem a lot of times over.
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-03-05 13:07
Dear Dom,
It was very nice conversing with you in chat the other day! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I look forward to reading more of your works.
always, Cat (& eddy)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentNordic cloud
Sun, 2012-03-04 09:58
a design and I found the whole exciting.
Mixed with the dance these lines gave me a moment unexpected:-
"Narrow boundaries
Unimaginable loneliness
Defined her
He crossed her
Impenetrable barriers"
The dance was drawn on the floor where your words were stretched out to make a design and I found the whole exciting.
You mix images and sounds with thoughts and ideas :-
"Infused by stimulation
Reciprocal fluid elocution
In their synchronized harmony"
Fluid elocution, I went to elocution classes when I was 7-10 years old. How-now-brown-cow. I suppose it made me express myself clearly, I have always wished to do that in speech, in writing and in painting, even dancing.
Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-03-05 13:12
Dear Ann,
Your visits to my page give me such pleasure. You always have something interesting to say! I'm glad you enjoyed this piece of writing!
:)
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
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