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Cup of the pessimist.
In the air, was situated a cup.
On the cup the doors were located.
The topology,
Oh how funny it is.
When something opens up itself for the others ideas,
and cry.
Now I’ll drink from that cup,
Because I felt the need to.
Speak, and fight,
My freedom is in the range.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2022-07-06 11:54
I'm not sure...
I have ever seen or heard of "doors" in a cup! This notion of "topology" has me befuddled. I understand the concept of not taking conditions into consideration, while looking for results, but not in the context that you suggest. I do believe that this piece is beyond understanding. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Wed, 2022-07-06 13:39
hello,
after reading your poem a number of times...I am as puzzled as Geezer. Can you give us an explanation?
*always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.