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Crawl

You kicked dust in my face when I was already beat
I forced my way to the top
then you let go and let me drop

You spat blood in my face when I was already down
I pushed myself to the top
then you let go and made me drop

On my broken hands and bloodied knees
I return to you like a persistent disease
With bloodied fingers and a broken wrist
I send you a gift from my hate filled fist

You kicked mud at my face when I was already beat
I worked my way to the sky
then you let go and let me slide

The higher I climb the deeper I fall
The deeper I fall the steeper my crawl
The higher I climb the longer I fall
The longer I fall the steeper my crawl

You spat hate at my face when I was already down
I launched myself to the sky
then you let go and let me slide

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

a matter of perspective. What is it they say? "Discretion is the better part of valor"? I firmly believe that instead of getting beat to a bloody pulp, when I know I can't possibly win, that I should retreat. I understand the way you have projected the humiliation and managed to bring it to the page. Nice work. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Well, you know me, I write raw & call it as I see it..I like to exaggerate the theme sometimes for effect.

Appreciate you reading & commenting,

regards

One

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

my favorite lines are:

The higher I climb the deeper I fall
The deeper I fall the steeper my crawl
The higher I climb the longer I fall
The longer I fall the steeper my crawl

this piece of work sounds like a wonderful song that, I think, anyone would be able to relate to. I've been there too, and I like this very much. I think this could be a winner in a lyrics contest!

*warm hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I am thinking of making this a song but of late I've only written & not produced any new music. Maybe my return to Neo will inspire me to create these into actual songs.

I await a lyric writing workshop.

regards

One

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

I await a lyric writing workshop.

make your wants into a Suggestion!!! talk to Mark about it or suggest it directly! I'll join in.

love, Sis

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

when I was AEC chair, I did indeed run a lyric writing workshop. Can't recall if you attended, I remember Jess & Lou were in it. In fact I think I was in charge of Workshops too. Jess was my deputy.

Oh the good old days.

One.

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

it is time to do it again!

love, Sis

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

busy with my knee surgeries at that time?

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

In this comment, we have seen that you have run a workshop in the past.
Indeed, we have not had a workshop in quite some time.
Would you be interested in running a workshop?
Lyrics seem to be a good thing to do. Let us know. ~ The cabinet.
Paul, Mark, and Guy.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

.

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

is there some way that you can sit down with Geezer and iron it out, to be sure he has meant to insult you? if he has, I will support you in your decisions.

*Love, Sis

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

.

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

you still have me...

love, Sis

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

I appreciate your detailed analysis & will re-think my words & see if your critical ideas & brutal feedback can improve my piece. LOL!

Seriously i appreciate you reading & commenting,

regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

There are a few lines I'd have done differently but upon reflection they would have only been different not better

Appreciate you reading & commenting. You can still offer your suggestions, I may like them better than the original.

Regards

One

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment
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