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CONTEST: SCROOGE

SCROOGE

he was a real shit to people,
not just the regular kind of shite
that flushes easily, with a small amount
of toilet paper melting around it
as it circles ‘round while the toilet gurgles hungrily

no-one disputed it
especially not his employees
and least of all, Bob Marley
(well, being dead, it was hard for him to)
those working for him were surviving

an unlivable wage, working for
that callous, walking sack of feces.
So when the ghosts visited
they were just too polite with him
in many folk’s opinion

none of the three, past, present, or future
in their conference over this en marchant la merde
talked about casting him in a fiery pit,
or skewering him with a white-hot trident
not a gory zombie moment a’tall was thrown

at him, a chance missed
they decided to pull him into visions
that made him think he was trippin’.
-Not to the light fantastic-
but to some sort of transforming

mind altering, existence changing
commode-flushing away of past infodemic
bad acting, uncaring ways towards people
revelations received righteously
new contexts that didn’t smell

like a sewer, or an unwashed armpit.
In 1842, folks welcomed this, and no-one was fooled.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I wasn’t sure about this one. It came out at one sitting, didn’t require too much editing... however it’s sorta dark.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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author comment

I love dark, sarcastic humor. I would suggest that if you really want to enter it into the contest, that you do some serious editing or cut it it up into two or three parts, like I did mine and use a part to enter or maybe enter all three parts as individual poems. The line count is only 12-24 lines. Fun read though.~ Geez.
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I thought the contest line count was longer... Hmmm...

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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author comment
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