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Condemnation

Submitted by arja on Tue, 2012-06-19 04:16

..stuck in this eerie moment
unearth the most startling
chronicle of life’s dealings,
an indication of betrayal...

..staring keenly
at the possibilities of humiliation
from this distinct
yet surprising predicament...

..escaping was not an option,
to succeed unnoticed
was the ultimate ambition
through this mysterious prejudice...

..mortified from this certainty
confronted by fear,
anticipating strangers
with their bizarre gazes..

"..and now the end is near.."
I heard the lyrics of a song...
'..should I? ..or should I not?'
it is such an innocent act…

..must manage to impede
gas about to pass
but alas! "Excuse me!"
this flatulence...

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

BlueDemon77

Fri, 2012-06-22 05:46

Hi Arja, I got a kick out of it.

Not that I didn't feel the real conflict and inner turmoil associated with it. We've all been there. I was glad to see another poem from you.

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

arja

Fri, 2012-06-22 06:04

Hi, Ron! Im flattered, since

Hi, Ron! Im flattered, since your the first person to comment on my 2nd work.. i didn't publish it until i found a sound ending.. been visiting different poets and reading their works as well.. learning from comments.. but I'm afraid to give a comment or two, for fear of retaliation.. but somehow comment when I do get the feel of the written form..

..this poem was inspired by a passenger on the elevator, who did the unexpected, exited when the door opened..so when the door closed, we were all suffocated..I knew it was him, because the sound was so loud..whew! & to think the day was just starting..

author comment

judyanne

Fri, 2012-06-22 08:24

hello arja

very funny
it put a smile on my face - i think we've all been there
very cleverly written, giving away the true predicament only at the end....
great word usage to make the reader squirm with you
..stuck / eerie
chronicle of life’s dealings,
betrayal...
possibilities of humiliation
predicament...
and so on
..

one tiny thing
‘..staring keenly
at the possibilities of humiliation
from this distinctiveness (I think you will find that ‘distinct’ fits better grammatically)
yet surprising predicament...’

welcome (back?) to neopoet,
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

arja

Wed, 2012-07-18 10:03