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COME LETS LOOK UP (Collaboration)

~Onyinyechi~

I look up to the heavens to explore
how the sunrise relaxes with glee
and the crescent moon tried to implore
to move away from the sun and flee

the splendor of the sky's prime
glittered under the pale moonlight
I felt rejuvenated under it's clime
the cosmic system now my delight

the vastness of the cosmic world
demonstrated divine energy
the infinity of the netherworld
shall the unjust sing their elegy

~Chandra~

Over my verandah darkness enclosed
On frequent rolling of my pupil
Heavenly crescent moon superimposed
To witness a miracle I mustn't scruple

The charmness of light
Is felt only when darkness falls
Vacant blue sky given a birth to a knight
Prepares over a hitch and forestalls

Rainbows above us created a beautiful living
God father descended from the celestial city
With the power to pause the hunting craving
Therefore, life must be lived pretty witty

©® Onyinyechi & Chandra

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

collaboration! There are many places that seem to join perfectly and in saying that, I do believe that you will find yourselves a duo in the future. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I would have preferred indications please.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

criticism for your part is to delete the [ess] in [sing[s].

Chandra has made reference to looking up at the sky from the veranda
and called attention to the moon, while seemingly in your company, and the rhyme from each
of you is very good. I felt that you were composing side-by-side. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

You always on the look out for putting one through. Much appreciated!

Yes, between me and Chandra it was a choice to write side by side.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

the splendour of the sky's prime
glittered under the pale moonlight
I felt rejuvenated under it's clime
the cosmic system now my delight

I like these lines best. only one thing wrong, you have misspelled (splendor) splendour.
*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you for been my eye. I never noticed that.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

that the spelling of splendor and several other words with the ending or/our, depends on what part of the world that you are from. In many parts of the world the spelling of these words may be one or the other; depending on if you may be in a
British or American english-speaking country. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thanks for pointing it out. That's the same word Cat said about. I appreciate both of you!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

I learned something (on this question) from Geezer, too!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

We learn on a daily basis. I found Geezer as an anglophile! He is quite an academician.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment
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