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Colorless Oblivion and Mourning (Black)
Event horizon looms
We pass beyond return
Stretched and torn apart
Compressed without concern
Consciousness depletes
Voiding thoughts and being
Gravitic singularity
Devours all the seeing
Darker than pitch
Nothing may escape you
Velvet robes of death
Envelope and will take you
To where, I know not
For we are all still here
Waiting for our fateful time
Shedding heavy silver tears
Dressed in darkest garb
We gravitate as one
Genetic singularity
Collated by a life undone
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
We had a death in my large Irish family this past week. Funerals and weddings are really the only time we are all together anymore.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
U.S.A.
Favorite Poets
Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman. I’m enamored by the work of lyricists such as Robert Hunter, John Barlow, John Dyer Baizley, and Tom Marshall just to name a handful.
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Comments
nokros
Tue, 2022-07-19 06:32
Hi there...
sorry to hear about your loss. Like your playing with the word gravity. overall a good piece.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-07-19 06:56
dear Tim,
first of all; I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope this family member was not a child. I think it is that much more tragic when a life has not been able to reach its full potential. I hope he/she passed in perfect peace. and I light a white candle for you all around healing of the heart and mind. you could start a new tradition and plan a family reunion...if your place isn't big enough for a lot of people, you could rent a hall. if money is tight, ask everyone to bring an item of food or alcohol. don't let them all fade away into obscurity.
your poem reflects your mood. dark and heavy. I hope you are not hurting badly. I love how you have personified Death. these are my favorite lines:
Consciousness depletes
Voiding thoughts and being
Gravitic singularity
Devours all the seeing
Darker than pitch
Nothing may escape you
Velvet robes of death
Envelope and will take you
*warm hugs, Cat
ever, eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
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Geezer
Tue, 2022-07-19 09:48
I can't really pick...
any favorite lines. I like the whole thing. You have kept the continuous thoughts and concerns all the way through. Weighty ideas about death and dying, but not morose and dragging one under, just the plain facts. ~ Geez.
.
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Rosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2022-07-19 12:40
Thanks
For your deepest sympathies, I am grateful. This was a younger cousin (27 years old). Fentanyl overdose. Sad but expected. My family struggles with substance abuse. Her mom simply drank herself to death. My uncle was a life long alcoholic and Percocet addict who over dosed the day he came home with OxyContin for the first time. I’m a recovering addict myself. I still use cannabis daily, but I’m 7 years sober from alcohol and 18 years sober from cocaine and MDMA. My favorite drug was always LSD or Psilocybin mushrooms. I’m planning a psychedelic experience soon.
Thanks again fam,
Tim
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2022-07-19 12:52
dear Tim,
it does seem to run in families. myself I was a dedicated Crystal Meth major with a minor in LSD and her cousins, LOL. was! Happiness is a warm gun...
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Tue, 2022-07-19 13:33
I sympathsize...
We just lost a son a couple of months ago, to heroin [we believe laced with Fentanyl]. I am still a toker and ex-user of various pyschoactive drugs. It's not easy. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Jackweb
Tue, 2022-07-19 17:55
John Donne's poem, 'death be
John Donne's poem, 'death be not proud' is a masterful argument against the power of death. The theme or the message, of the poem is that death is not some all- powerful being that human should fear. Instead, death is actually a slave to the human race and have no power over our souls.
May the soul of your departed one rest in perfect peace!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
RoseBlack
Tue, 2022-07-19 21:55
My deepest condolences
For your loss. I lost a cousin some years ago, same age as yours, due to suicide. He was troubled many years by addiction and depression and the family never really recovered from the loss. You have captured death in a way most cannot through your writing. Your language and flow are superb. I look forward to seeing your new publications each day! Well done!
~RoseBlack~