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The Climb (serenity)
"The Climb"
(serenity)
Whisper
of places in your heart
Naked
before your promises
Wounded
sensation of fresh heartache
Benediction
resulting into healing
Ceasing
attempts to guide the uncontrollable
Slowly
freedom flowing from this
Obstinate
opposing will!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
thank you Scribbler for all your help with the changes!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2022-04-26 10:45
Shhhhh...
This is almost too private for public viewing!
You made me feel as though I was peering into
a window like a peeping-tom!
I can't pick favorite lines. So well written, that
I want to steal ideas from this. I have several and
will need some time to pass, until I won't feel so
bad about taking them from you. ~ Geez.
.
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Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-04-26 10:54
dear Geezer,
feel free to take any ideas you can from me...like gathering seeds on the ground...like gathering them up for a feast! I get ideas from most of the poems I read...especially yours!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2022-04-26 11:06
Thank you...
I couldn't resist picking up one right away! Kind of like when you see a dollar bill lying on the ground. You pick it up first and then look around to see if maybe someone was looking. LoL. I will keep it for a while before I use it, kinda like: "I'll just keep it for a while and see if they forget that they lost it? I take ideas from everyone and twist them and bend them for my own use. Most times, they sit in the treasure-box until when others see them, they have forgotten the original thought and will not recognize where they came from. LoL Devious huh? Hugs from the boys, ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-04-26 11:09
dear Geez,
I think it is the tools of a poet, lol
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentscribbler
Tue, 2022-04-26 15:49
Hi Cat
This poems seems to bear importance to you so I'll point out some alternatives :
Whisper
of places in your heart
Naked
before your promises
Wounded
sensation of fresh heartache
Benediction
resulting into healing
Ceasing
attempts to guide the uncontrollable
Slowly
freedom flowing from this
Obstinate
in strength of will!
Hope this has been helpful
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-04-26 15:54
thank you Scribbler!
I will work on this tomorrow as I am almost out of "gas" for the day. tomorrow, I will employ the changes I like... thank you so much!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentscribbler
Tue, 2022-04-26 15:57
foregive me
but I can't help this : Susan Hopes I run out of gas lol
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-04-26 15:59
I understand!
I, too, wish Steven would do the same, lol!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentSeren
Thu, 2023-02-09 09:24
Oh my Serenity
This is gorgeous. I'm spellbound by this, drawn in and settled by a gentle touch.
Just beautiful. I felt like I was intruding on a solemn holy moment
Bravo Catsis this is bellissimo
Much love always Sis xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Candlewitch
Thu, 2023-02-09 10:30
dear Sis,
this was written long ago. I was so hooked on a man who had trampled my heart and ran away, he would return now and again to torture and tease me. one day, I don't know how, but i got up the courage to tell him to go and stay away because I did not love him anymore! such a great lie!!!
thank you for what you have said to me...
*love sis
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
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