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CLEAVAGE

Submitted by scribbler on Sat, 2012-05-26 09:28

Man, look at that cleavage there!
large pale globes just bulging out
inviting everyone to stare,
whistle, perhaps even shout.

Do you think the cleavage folks
purposely expose their goods
leading to such crude lewd jokes
about their large and jiggly goods?

The tee shirt's not quite up to task
the cloth's too sheer and not too tough
which kinda leads most folks to ask
what fabric would be strong enough?

And bending over makes it worse
deepening the fleshy rut
further revealing the old curse
of the affliction known as plumber's butt.

Style / type:

Structured: Eastern

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Last few words:

I guess the "raw truth" option best fits this lmao

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Sat, 2012-05-26 10:04

loved's picture

Oh Stan what do you say

Oh Stan what do you say
without any cleavage
is life worth anyway
they show
as if they know not what hangs there
you do yours only at midnight share ...
then the lights are out
but the fairer sex is really fair
cleavages with all human kith and kin
they all love to equally share
a smile is yours to give.
and make a life worthy to live.

loved

Sat, 2012-05-26 16:14

hi loved

Now the cleavage displayed by the fairer sex is fine butt the other type we can do without lol.........stan

author comment

Sat, 2012-05-26 23:22

loved's picture

Keep lololololol

But do you realize
that the LGBT group is likely to sue you
Then you may come to me and say
dear Loved help me.
keep at the cleavage,
your eyes thirst as always
as do mine,
since birth

loved

Sat, 2012-05-26 12:28

Hi Scribbler

I see Adam never lost the taste for apples. I was with you all the way until it got to the plumbers butt. A comic twist there to an apt summer poem. London is like a catwalk now all the chicks in their summer plumage.
Thanks for the laugh.

John

Sat, 2012-05-26 16:18

Hi John

Glad you got a laugh as that was the sole purpose of this "poem" lol. Now I'll wait for the meter maid to tell me the rhytm is off lol.
Yes the ladies' apparel almost makes up for the heat of summer. Sure can make it tough on old married guys.......stan

author comment

Sun, 2012-05-27 05:17

judyanne's picture

hello :)

lol – the meter maid?
scribbles, is that me ?
i will, this today, jiggle my way
and leave you jiggle yours

?typo?
‘which kinda leads most folks to ash’ – do you mean ‘ask’ ?
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Sun, 2012-05-27 09:49

Hi Judy

Now don't get your feathers ruffled at being referred to as the meter maid. Can't friends poke fun at one another? And what a shock that the unmeterd man made a typo lmao. Thanks for spotting it.............stan

author comment

Sun, 2012-05-27 10:00

judyanne's picture

lol scribbles

meter maids out here in surfers' paradise don't have feathers - nor do they have many clothes - to get ruffled

if you're worried the view of a little bit (or lot) of cleavage might stop your heart...
- at least, i think they still have meter maids...
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Sun, 2012-05-27 10:32

Hmmmm.....

scant clothing is OK as long as neither of us bend over too far .....................you don't want to be exposed to a "Carolina Moon" lol

author comment

Sun, 2012-05-27 12:20

hi Mark

Poor ol' guy, being forced to look at a young woman's cleavage. How devastating it must have been lmao.........stan

author comment

Sun, 2012-05-27 22:13

Hi Lonnie

There's more than one type cleavage and I've bben known to show the less attractive of the two lol. I guess ol' see and say strikes again.............stan

author comment

Wed, 2012-05-30 00:47

loved's picture

HI Stan

r u sooo busy

looking down the cleavage

that u haven't any time .

for a blinking at mine...

no no no what u r thinking

poetry i meant only

loved

Wed, 2012-05-30 08:28

Hi loved

Due to your decision to not let gender be known, I don't know whether your cleavage would be of the pleasing variety or that less pleasing plumbers butt lol. I've been reading yours and about everybody's stuff I have time to. I think your work is showing steady improvement but I don't have the time to comment on all I read. But I Will make a better effort. Thanks for the visit. PS just leaning this reply on one of my little doodles took about 3 minutes. I am a slow index finger typist

author comment

Wed, 2012-05-30 13:33

loved's picture

much obliged

what if one has both ??....lolololololol

anyone can be loved
gender apart
the body is blush!

loved

Wed, 2012-05-30 13:43

wouldn't matter

If I looked too closely I'd get in trouble with my better half rotfl..............stan

author comment

Wed, 2012-05-30 14:45

loved's picture

Stan

There is some reason for all kinds of madness some remain dormant some explode elephantine , but the fun in remaining anonymous lies in the fact women call me honey and men take liberties and call me lovely .That's what was my originality lots of trolls kicked me and still three hundred on all sites scan a dead person in me perhaps but that's all history my past is no mystery it’s not recognition i hanker as Jess thinks poetry is just emotionality few kinks of personality but what I’m in search of, is creativity in human mentality and the search is on it keeps me busy and as you know not many more dawns shall go
ere!
PROSE ABOVE
POETRY BELOW

There is some reason
for all kinds of madness
some remain dormant
some explode elephantine,
but the fun in remaining anonymous,
lies in the fact
those women call me Honey
and
men take liberties and call me Lovely.

That's what was my originality,
lots of trolls kicked me
but still three hundred on all sites
scan a dead person
in me perhaps
but that's all history
my past is no mystery.
it’s not recognition I hanker
as Jess thinks,
poetry is just emotionality
few kinks of personality
but what I’m in search of,
is creativity in human mentality
and
the search is on it keeps me busy
and
as you know not many more
dawns shall go
ere!

loved

Wed, 2012-05-30 18:27

Hi loved

Yeah I expect you Have had some fun with the gender thing.........stan

author comment

Wed, 2012-05-30 22:29

loved's picture

Gender

Blender

loved

Wed, 2012-05-30 03:24

Ian.T's picture

Stan

I have been toying with this for a few days and can't quite make up my mind which way to lean do I favour the right or left.
You put me in such a position that I couldn't quite get a grip of the main points.
I moulded your thoughts and visions in this piece and still find myself in a quandary do I find a solution and stay with your thoughts or get out of this rut and get a life.
All I can say is ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm and see you sometime.
Yours Ian

PS:- Always wondered where that heart shape, we use so readily, came from I will get to the bottom of it one day....yours, Sparrow

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Wed, 2012-05-30 08:31

Hi Ian

I hope the rut you are in is on the high road as opposed to that nasty low road. As to getting a grip, a bit of wine and roses might help out lol......stan

author comment

Wed, 2012-05-30 10:48

Ian.T's picture

Stan

The ruts on the low road are not for me,
I love a place of milk and Honey.
As to the builders place,
that is an asses job for goodness sake.

To get stuck in a rut is not for me
My eyes water and have set me free
The beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I rarely drift much below the shoulder

Have a lovely day out there you naughty boy La La

As tp Anna "Garden Path" well I never did ?????

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Wed, 2012-05-30 13:47

lol

Be careful if you hit a rut
it isn't in a plumber's butt
I guess we've about worn this one out huh?........stan

author comment

Thu, 2012-05-31 00:41

weirdelf's picture

excuse my interruption,

the heart shape is based on a circumcised penis.

Don't tell all those high school girls who dot their 'i's with hearts.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thu, 2012-05-31 03:11

Ian.T's picture

Jess

Thanks for the update, my that is a male image lol, just wondered where it came from, any Idea's, how long ago and was it started in Israel,????? LOL
Yours, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thu, 2012-05-31 04:46

weirdelf's picture

It is conceivable that that idea

is nothing more than a product of my diseased imagination, though I may have read it somewhere and forgotten the source.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thu, 2012-05-31 08:51

Dang Jess

Here I was thinking it derived from the feminine equivalent of plumber's butt lol. Thank for coming by with such a great visual lmao..........stan

author comment

Wed, 2012-05-30 09:37

I was waiting for the

I was waiting for the punchline. Wasn't disappointed. Never am.

Tsk tsk tsk, how you lead us down the garden path!

~A

Wed, 2012-05-30 13:49

Hi Anna

Even in the ultra serious????? world of poetry we have to have a bit of fun some times lol. Thanks for dropping in for a chuckle...........stan

author comment

Wed, 2012-05-30 14:21

Poetry like life, is

Poetry like life, is everything thrown into the cosmic soup. You name it, it's *in there* I mean here.

It's a good thing that we can play in the fields of our lord (that was a good movie btw.)

~

Thu, 2012-05-31 00:44

weirdelf's picture

If Judy is the meter maid, what am I?

The Meter Mussolini?

Really enjoyed this, and yes, it would work so much better with a strong meter.

We call the 'plumber's butt' the 'coin slot'

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thu, 2012-05-31 08:57

Hi Jess

I wrote this in full knowledge that the meter was off. It is a just for fun thing and done in haste. I'm totally suprised at the level of response.
Here in the states "coin slot" is a term reserved for the feminine version of plumber's butt.
there's meter maid and meter man
then usually unmetered Stan
who often finds that writing in perfect meter can be tough
but he'll catch on soon enough...................stan

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Thu, 2015-01-15 15:48

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

LOL

This made me laugh out loud! I don't know why I didn't see this before :)

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Thu, 2015-01-15 18:40

Hi Carrie

I never cease to be surprised at getting additional comments just from making a minor edit or two. but the more the merrier when getting folks to laugh!...........stan

author comment

Thu, 2015-01-15 19:32

Sparrow's picture

Stan

A plumber butt is good for parking Bicycles I saw a good cartoon of that once a number of builders bending down and along comes a cyclist and parks his bike.
I am the follower of the real McCoy a cleavage is a thing of beauty, and as it is on another level it is easier to see, Yours Ian.T

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thu, 2015-01-15 22:00

Bike rack?

Now that brings up another type "rack" and I don't mean ribs lol.......stan

author comment

Fri, 2015-01-16 03:35

Sparrow's picture

Damn

Your Thesaurus on this subject must be voluminous, there's another word from it LOL,
Have a great day and keep your end up,
Yours Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Fri, 2015-01-16 04:22

mand's picture

Ha ha

You lot are sooo funny! Your poem was hilarious Stan - Here's a true story!

Daughter and I where dumping some rubbish. When we arrived we had to wait in the car queue so we had a birds eye view of the other dumpers. This large bellied, somewhat overweight man was having to bend down to lift some heavy objects - so as to dump them! He was so intent on the job in hand that he didn't realize his jogging trousers where falling down! Wow what a sight! ha ha Fortunately he noticed before certain dangly bites where exposed!

Fri, 2015-01-16 12:37

Hey mandy

the problem is so prevalent that a blue jean maker over here basses it's adds on how their jeans have enough room to prevent plumber's butt. Real life is funnier than anything you can make up isn't it?.....stan

author comment

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