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The City

Submitted by Celso G. Tertins on Sat, 2022-09-10 16:50

walking straight past faceless ghosts we call strangers
the city is most intimate when it’s asleep.

in languid hours of amber lights and empty streets,
the city speaks to me in its sleep.

in flickering of old fluorescent lights
and muffled hum of air conditioner boxes
the city speaks to me in riddles
too cryptic for my burnt-out mind to unravel.

i feel the heavy kiss of her smog-laden air
caressed by the warm tropical heat
the acrid scent of civilization lingers everywhere.

moist pavements reflecting neon lights
flecks of broken glass flicker like fallen stars.

in this corner of the world,
where hopes and dreams rise and fall like tides
inside skyscrapers and domino apartment blocks
the city speaks when asleep
in codes, too arcane for my messed-up life to decipher.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Sat, 2022-09-10 21:32

The City

Hi, Celso,
When reading this, it felt as if the narrator had a lot on his mind - so went out walking.
Or perhaps is heading home late at night. There seems to be a great connection that this narrator has with the city, The senses are awakened, and heightened. The smallest details are noticed - the hum of the air conditioners, the reflective broken glass...But my favorite thought is what is inside those skyscrapers and domino apartment blocks. There is a connection with the hopes and dreams and a reference to not only the city sleeping, but the people who live there. Your final line is very intriguing and leaves a restless, sad feeling. I could read this several more times, I think, and sense a little something different each time. Wonderful poetry.
Thank you!
L

Celso G. Tertins

Sat, 2022-09-10 21:37

thank you. this was when i

thank you. this was when i used to work at night years before, and this poem is my recollection of those nights that seem to stretch forever. sometimes on y walk to work, sometimes on my break. i am glad you liked it.

author comment

Geezer

Sun, 2022-09-11 13:10

I guess...

I simply have to get here quicker, so that the words and thoughts I have are not just echoes of what has already been discerned and spoken. My very thoughts have been whisked away by Lavender, when she says that the favored lines are:
"where hopes and dreams rise and fall like tides inside skyscrapers and domino-apartment blocks." Stunning thoughts that resonate with someone who worked for most of thirty years of nights. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Celso G. Tertins

Sun, 2022-09-11 17:09

thank you. it's one of a kind

thank you. it's one of a kind of experience, living opposite of society, of civilization. you get to see the parts unseen and unfelt to morning people and to think 30 whole years of that

author comment

Geezer

Sun, 2022-09-11 23:03

Yeah...

around thirty years, at about half a dozen different jobs. From a factory making ball bearings, to assembly-lines assembling electronics and auto-detailing, to finally driving taxi. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Neopoet

The City