Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Cinderella Lost

Sweeping, weeping
Clouds of dust
Remnants in the air
Scattering across the floor; everywhere

Cinders burning in her grasp
Dreams that turned to sodden ash
Long since gone that midnight hour
When her youthful dream did sour

Sparrows singing of sunshine
While a funeral of Ravens threaten the light
Colorless blood dripping from exhausted wounds
Heart spilling from her chest; losing the fight

The glass slipper, it didn't fit
Poisoned promises amiss
Ill-fated intentions afoot
The prince lied through his kiss

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "Cinderella Lost," paints a vivid picture of a fairy tale gone wrong. The imagery of "sweeping, weeping" and "clouds of dust" effectively conveys the feeling of despair and hopelessness that the speaker is experiencing. The use of repetition with "everywhere" emphasizes the overwhelming nature of the situation.

The line "Cinders burning in her grasp" is a strong metaphor for the shattered dreams that the speaker is holding onto. The reference to the "rabbit hole" is a clever nod to Alice in Wonderland, which adds a layer of complexity to the poem.

The contrast between the "sparrows singing of sunshine" and the "funeral of Ravens" creates a sense of tension and conflict. The use of "colorless blood" is a striking image that highlights the speaker's exhaustion and defeat.

The final stanza is a powerful indictment of the prince's false promises and betrayal. The use of "ill-fated intentions afoot" and "the prince lied through his kiss" effectively conveys the sense of betrayal and disillusionment that the speaker is feeling.

One suggested line edit would be to change "Poison promises amiss" to "Poisoned promises amiss" to clarify the meaning of the line and maintain consistency with the use of past tense throughout the rest of the poem.

Overall, "Cinderella Lost" is a well-crafted poem that effectively conveys the pain and disillusionment of a fairy tale gone wrong. The use of strong imagery and metaphors creates a vivid and emotional reading experience.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

a suggestion:
in this line:

Dreams that turned to ash (Dreams that turned to (sodden) ash) add sodden because it makes the poem flow better. why sodden ash: because she is weeping while sweeping, and the dust gets wet.

I bet most women could relate to this story! mama lied, life is NOT fair!

*love, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I used your suggestion and edited the poem. Certain elements of fairy tales are such lies that people allow us to grow up believing. Then reality hits and it is downhill from there...some of us get lucky though


author comment

It seems that we all bought into Disney's version of things, from Snow White to Sleeping Beauty, only to find that life doesn't work that way. A hard lesson for all of us.

My one suggestion would be to change "While the heart spills from her chest;" to "Heart spilling from her chest;".


Thank you for the read and suggestion. It sounds a lot better.


author comment

have made all the suggestions I would have made and I think you did well to take them all into consideration and accept the ones you did. I hear you! All the lies told about white knights and heroes! Hmmmph, I stopped believing long ago. You did a great job of pointing out the opposites; {Ravens threatening while sparrows sing of sunshine], and I was truly intrigued by the colorless blood! Not deep enough to be more than a nuisance or draw real blood, just aggravating as hell!
Good stuff!
~ Geez.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

All the suggestions were great and made the poem sound much better. Colorless blood meant so many things and you hit the nail on the head. Glad you liked this. I gave up on fairy tales finally.


author comment

Hi, Carrie,
Another good one! Fairy tales are such a burden!

I agree! Along with soap operas


author comment

So right! Really liked this, Carrie!

We talked about this one and came to some good ideas. I feel you on this one. We aren’t frequently given fairytale endings. We make the best of it anyway though.


Changes made


author comment

Loved your poem. Fairy tales images create strength in your thoughts.

Glad you enjoyed.


author comment

Loved your poem. Fairy tales images create strength in your thoughts.

Glad you enjoyed


author comment

What a great re-telling, you did really well, sorry I missed it first time round but a very big congratulations.

Commenting on poetry builds community, confidence, and comprehension. :)

So glad you enjoyed


author comment

You've been given some great advice. I offer nothing but kudos on a great write, fairytales in some cases weren't always happily ever after some of them had a moral to the story and some had horrific endings. I tend to like the darker ones.

Well done sweets

Much love Jayne xx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Glad to see you are back! I tend to like dark fairytales and enjoy writing my own or reworking old ones with a twist. Glad you enjoyed.


author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.