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Change Of Plans

Submitted by Apostolos "Paul... on Wed, 2012-01-25 20:45

The path was filled with twists and turns
The skies roared with thunder’s screams
Rain fell freely as the stars shined on me

The burdens on my shoulder weighed me down
As I walked thorough muddy alley ways
Filled with insecurity a thought came to me

What if I left my worries on the side of a street
So, the following night I carried out my plan
Suddenly the clouds started to flee

The sun watched as smiles played on faces
The muddy streets were clear and welcoming
Even agony joined in on the celebration

So, gloomy skies, I swat you like flies
Tonight, I walk on straight roads
Filled with street lights and the sound of laughter

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Wed, 2012-01-25 22:49

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I really like the perspective change displayed. Also think the few rhymes helped punctuate without being obvious. Heck I liked the whole thing, but wonder if you mean shined in line3.........stan

Apostolos "Paul...

Wed, 2012-01-25 23:05

Apostolos "Paul" Anagnostopoulos's picture
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for stopping by

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wesley snow

Fri, 2012-01-27 22:53

wesley snow's picture
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... in its perspective. It is, however, a type of poetry that I can offer little in the way of suggestions. Still, an interesting read. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Apostolos "Paul...

Sat, 2012-01-28 10:10

Apostolos "Paul" Anagnostopoulos's picture
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even though you caan offer little I appreciate you stopping by

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Geezer

Tue, 2012-01-31 09:59

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I liked the change in perspective, it slaps you right in the face! Kinda like when someone in the movies is hysterical, and they slap their face and they regain their senses. It also reminded me of a song I used to love to hear my mother sing when I was a child. I think that the name of it was " On the Sunny Side of the Street". Nice work, ~ Gee p.s. I would change the word shined to shone.

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wesley snow

Tue, 2012-01-31 11:43

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... but leave your worries, leave 'em on the doorstep. Life alreet if you dig that beat on the sunny, sunny side of the street. Dut badaloodle at. Pitter pat, you know that happy beat is my step. Life's complete if you dig that beat on the sunny, sunny side of the street." wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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