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Challenge in my element

Blue Ocean Waves

where thou go with your high-speed waves
Wash one away in a big old hurry display
In a fierce tornado stormy image way
Seeking no mercy at all
There is no game to play

So, remember to stay out of its way
Or else it can drown one to the dismay
Blue ocean waves exhibit one mighty say
in a roller coaster showcase
in different paces
Blue ocean waves portray in a blue color paint
moving in a deep emotional distance wave
leading with magical musical play
back and forth sway
high and low stay
Until it comes to a rest

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hello, Hon,
A wonderful poem describing the strength and beauty of the ocean waves. I can sense its powerful movement and flow. There is an interesting rhyme pattern here, but what stands out to me is your final line, which I don't believe is part of the pattern at all, but is very cool because it gives the sensation of the wave coming to a defined rest. Unless I am reading incorrectly, it may sound better to actually state "Until it comes to a rest" which keeps the poem in the same tense. I like the ocean waves as part of the Elements contest. Very nice.
L

Yes, I was stumbling was the final version. Greatly appreciated for the feedback.

author comment

It reminds me of when surfers talk about how spiritual an experience it is to be out there at the mercy of the ocean. The beauty and the danger arm locked in every cresting wave. I think some of the language could use a little attention from a purely grammatical standpoint. I’ll second what Lavender said about that last line. Technically I think subsides is correct and subsided is the wrong verb tense. I ask the question does it subside or rest as Lavender suggested. The tides are a perpetual. I like the word “crestfallen” if you wanna use from my personal favorites.

Give it look over,
Tim

The unpredictable, yet tranquil flow...we are at its mercy whether it chooses to be kind or to destroy. Great job

~RoseBlack~

as it gradually goes from the speedy rhythm before it slows down very smoothly just like the waves of the ocean. Whether intended or not , I must say I really enjoyed it. Great job!

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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