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CANOEIST

I stroke the paddle one more time
today the water's calm and clear
so it carries me a little way
as if suspended in mid-air
above a world of moss and fin

With each smooth and careful stroke
I get nearer to that other shore
which began as a mere hazy dream
oh, so many years before
when this day was unthought of
and tomorrow seemed for ever

Not all strokes cleaved waveless waters
many storms near swamped my journey
tutoring my arms and hands
to navigate through muddy waters
where unseen dangers dwell
Shallows to halt steady progress
Tides to carry me off course
Shoals upon which to crash my vessel

It seemed too many whitecap days
on water clear as chocolate milk
all leading to abrupt delays

But even those imperfect times
were part of my getting here
where I sit among life's gathered rime
as that far shore grows so near

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Realized it had been a while since I tried a free verse, so here I stick my big toe into that random water
Editing stage: 

Comments

And this is just my humble opinion that you are better in structured poetry.You are damn good at giving details which I feel doesn't go with free verse.I'm sure it is only me, but if I'm writing this I'd loose many words here but hey wait to hear from the experts, I only wanted to say hey,I've enjoyed that journey:-)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Structured poetry IS my forte. But I find that even attempting free verse on occasion helps me in my usual forms. But in attempting free verse I tend to break the rules which free verse supposedly distains by inserting more imagery and even some (gasp!) rhymes lol. Guess free verse is not as free as proponents think lol. In any case, thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this.............stan

author comment

the rhythm - i don't like.... are you trying to give a feeling of the roughness of the journey?
doesn't work for me stan - i really feel these sort of writes need to stay true to form
lol just me maybe

i like the title
- would suggest 'white water rafter'

you have also used 'time' as well as 'waters' twice as end rhymes/ line ends

but as usual, i enjoyed the text and subtexts of this
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Hmmm..... guess I failed to convey that not every stroke was through rough waters. I'll need to study this over for where I lost that. "stay true to form" ......You know this is supposed to be free form .....was I not free enough?.....stan PS I'll also look and see what bothers you about those words as end line rhymes

author comment

free form - free verse - got confused
this is so close to an iambic rhythm that goes off the rails every now and then, it reads more as blank/occasional verse

my bad.... lol
i think you are too close to a form here stan to get away with the roughness of the read
lol - but you know that's just me...

i still love all your themes..
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

LOL My free verse has too much rhythm and my traditional not enough lmao. Oh well, I'll get them right one of these ol'days..................................stan

author comment
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