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Business of The Day

Submitted by Mr joghe on Wed, 2022-12-14 14:41

I saw a train moving on the rail
When I went for a walk on the rail
I saw its wheels moving like it was real
But it was not moving by its will
Nor by itself. It was the rail that showed the way
I turned on the rail to follow the train
When I saw its track on the rail.
It way was far when it took the right
As if it knew it was trailed.
When he began to draggled on the rail
He aimed at the train,
But the bullets flew straight over it.
He touched the rail and the train was destroyed when it was derailed by the collision.
He took them to wolfdom
And laid them like tubers of yam for purchase.

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Last few words:

The new business that is introduced to the youths of my country is kidnapping, killing, rape ... They hijacked the single train my country have and requested ransom on the abductees. And government could not help the situation.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

Neopoem Of The Week Contest December 11th to 17th 2022

Content level:

Not Explicit Content