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Broken Boy-Living Doll: Requiescat In Pace
Body swaying; Poppet heard the gasps as Master rasped; breathing his last breath. Weeping willow, a single tear dripped from beneath her button eye. Her heart was broken for she knew he must have died.
A tortured soul he was; yet she loved him all the same. As unnatural as it was, still it came. Slumped in the corner, grieving inaudibly, Poppet felt a surge throughout her fabric body. Feeling her way across the floor, her master's slightly chilled outer casing she found, letting out a mournful sound; she climbed. A lone rope trawling behind, the heaviness more oppressive than a ball and chain. Nothing could ease her pain.
Ascending the corpse still she climbed, fumbling with the noose, turning Master loose. Crashing to the floor, pushed against the door, she laid her head upon his chest. Together in eternal rest.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2023-04-10 19:41
Neopoet AI (premium)
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Broken Boy-Living Doll: Requiescat In Pace" tells a dark and morbid story of a doll named Poppet who mourns the death of her master. The use of vivid imagery and personification of the doll makes for a haunting read. The poem effectively conveys the emotional turmoil that Poppet must be going through, even though she is a non-living entity.
The line "Her heart was broken for she knew he must have died" is particularly poignant and encapsulates the theme of the poem. However, there are some areas where the poem could be improved. The use of the word "direful" in the line "the heaviness more direful than a ball and chain" feels out of place and disrupts the flow of the poem. A better word choice could be "oppressive" or "overwhelming."
Overall, "Broken Boy-Living Doll: Requiescat In Pace" is a well-written and evocative poem. It explores themes of love, loss, and mortality in a unique and creative way.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Tue, 2023-04-11 06:09
Thank you
I will go back and look at the semicolon. I'm glad you enjoyed!
~RoseBlack~
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2023-04-11 06:00
Cool title
I know maybe the others are miffed when you don’t make it look like poetry. I say ok. It’s fun to read and while I think maybe this type doll metaphor is familiar, your take on it is original to you and your style.
Nice job,
Tim
RoseBlack
Tue, 2023-04-11 06:11
Thank you
It's fun to write as well. Living dolls are a favorite of mine because there is so much you can do with them. They can represent a variety of emotions and people. I am glad you like the title. Sometimes I struggle with what to call things.
~RoseBlack~
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2023-04-11 10:32
As Tim has said...
it doesn't look like poetry, but I don't care, it makes for some good reading. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
RoseBlack
Tue, 2023-04-11 14:14
Thanks Gee
It is really kinda fun to combine the two elements of prose and poetry. Sometimes I am a better story teller than poet.
~RoseBlack~
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2023-04-11 15:06
Aren't we all?...
Keep on writing! ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Ruby Lord
Wed, 2023-04-12 06:54
Wow
Wow, I said that out loud. I loved this, the images you wanted me to see, can't be unseen. The story you told was illustrated with button eyes and a fabric body surge, amazing poem.
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
RoseBlack
Wed, 2023-04-12 15:48
Thank you
Have you read the first part? I am glad you enjoyed! Thank you for the warm comments as well.
~RoseBlack~
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