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Broken Boy-Living Doll

He was a broken boy—battered, shattered, and bruised; purple and blue. Alone in his thoughts, he wondered how his own mother could love him not, yet the need was strong and his heart was young; desperate, anyone would do.

Alone, in the aperture, she sat. Watching, waiting, and willing, she sat. As each onlooker passed her by, a single tear fell against her fictile cheeks. Pointed fingers and a few fake smiles dissipated dreams, holding hope far away. Then came a day when the broken boy, now a troubled man, looked her way. They gazed through the glazing pane, deadlocked only for a moment. Her glass eyes bred feelings he had not felt before. Penetrating his soul, he entered the store. Riding in the front seat of his car, buckled in so as not to fall, the stray poppet felt like a star.

The room was special, as if it had been made for her alone. Like he knew she was coming all along. He chattered on, jabbering and blabbering, but in her cotton-filled mind, he felt like home. The walls were pink and the flooring was askew; there were no windows to look out of, something she would need to get used to. A canopy bed filled the space, making it much more comfortable than her old place. Master brushed her hair and washed her face, tying ropes to both arms and feet. Many times, he would ask her to dance. Pulling the ropes in a hypnotic trance. There were candle-light dinners and new dresses; followed by gentle kisses. Pleasing him became her obsession.

That is, until the clouds rolled in; black as night. Lightning surged in his eyes; his voice echoed like the thunder crashing outside. Rain beat down on the ramshackle roof as he threw poor Poppet to the ground. "Those eyes, those eyes!" He screamed while gouging them out; glass pierced his fingers, shredding them to the bone. Blood streamed down her face as he continued the assault. Rosy cheeks that once brought him pleasure now bring him pain. Chocolate-colored hair that he once adored forced him to remember and those eyes—those were his mother's eyes—bore right through him just as hers did; once upon a time.

And when it was over and the madness drained from his senses, there lay Poppet—shattered, scattered, and devastated. She could no longer see the tears he cried as he stitched her together. The taste of his blood was still fresh on her lips. He abandoned her in the corner, tying one of her ropes around his neck. 

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
Yesterday, I wrote "Poppet" which received rave reviews including one from our computer critic, "Al." Al asked me to elaborate on the relationship between Poppet and her master as to give the reader something more to connect with. I felt this type of work would be better fitted as a story poem and if I added to Poppet, itself, it would take away from what the readers already resonated with and loved about it. I spent some time researching prose poetry this morning and decided to create this work in prose form. This was a five hour project and I am a little proud of how it turned out. It is my first attempt at such a style of poetry and hope it is acceptable and well received.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

wow... I am stunned! I don't know what to say just yet. it is a piece of prose! i found it superb because it was a worthy offering, it reminds me of a mixture of Poe and King. I love how you set the hook right away. and the story evolved quickly. when the clouds rolled in, the tone of the poem changed and I felt fear for the pretty poppet. the masters mistreatment of her was personal and violent, almost intimately. he must have felt very guilty about the rape of her mind. this is what I got from it, was I wrong?

*hugs, Cat & eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

You are spot on. I tried to mirror it as closely to Poppet as possible so each made sense. This was really fun to work on and if it is well liked...I may work on some prose in the future. I didn't realize until I dug into researching prose that Poe was a master at alliteration and The Raven is really prose when you break down the structure. I am so glad you enjoyed it.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

I wanted both to make sense so this explains some of the elements in Poppet. For example, in Poppet there is a dried blood reference...in this we learn the blood actually belonged to Master but it is all in how we interpret as well. There are multiple meanings underneath. Thank you for the comment and read!

~RoseBlack~

author comment

Look. This thing is very good. There is so much rhythm and it’s throughout the entire story. You’ve done a superb job on so many levels. Excellent vocabulary and descriptive devices. When you pair it with the poem it’s a very complete story and yet told in two different styles that marry each other so well. I am extremely proud of you and I want all the other members to know it. This is really high caliber writing and it’s very rhythmic and poetic. You’ve really nailed it here.

Tim

I value your opinion and critique so very much! You and my neo family have helped so much as far as my growth as a writer and a person. I am speechless right now as this was something I was a bit nervous about posting because it was so different. Thank you, thank you!

~RoseBlack~

author comment

I read what Tim said to you... he is absolutely right!!! you have succeeded in artistry!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

The high praise from such veteran and skilled writers such as yourself and Tim have absolutely left me speechless. This was quite the endeavor and I was nervous about posting as it is very different than what we usually see here on Neo. I am considering doing more prose as an introduction to some of the works that others have requested I do a series on. My Lycanthrope poems come to mind. Thank you once again!

~RoseBlack~

author comment

Having read the last part first, I missed this section completely. Now I've read it, the background is developed and the relationship revealed to make the poem and its meanings larger than any of us could have thought? On delivering the details, the poem becomes more sinister. Wow again, another great piece of writing and poetry.

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

If you enjoy the story poems...please read Tales of A Modern Day Beast...there are three in that series so far.

~RoseBlack~

author comment
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