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Broken (another version for revision)

Men’s lust and greed have taken you
My child I cry for your innocence
They have stripped you bare
No family’s arms to hold you

Servants of greed have taken you
Your life a nightmare of mindless pain
Filth in their trade of your young flesh
We can only hope, without fulfilment

Traders have destroyed your childhood needs
Shackled by incessant lust of crippled minds
Caging youth in destruction of slavery
Where broken wills, make children slaves

Without the freedom of their wills
They will remain slaves to their own minds.

Take care out there and have a look into the many forms of poetry,
I shall have to reinstate my a-z for a while, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thanks for streaming my interpretation of your write, it should remain yours, as you take any of my suggestions on board for your edit to the original.
This story needs to be told time and time again for the children that suffer so.
Take care and have a great day, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

the story needs to be told again and again. i wish i am better at describing it in a more profound manner. my words will sound rather unpolished.not enough of "ummph"" if you know what I mean..

Alid

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